


A Stone's Throw

by Thishouseisaflyingcircus



Category: Arctic Monkeys, British Singers RPF, Indie Music RPF, The Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 10:50:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thishouseisaflyingcircus/pseuds/Thishouseisaflyingcircus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The London School for Placement was a highly respected orphanage that prided itself on giving its young boys a quality education while finding them permanent, loving homes. It was extremely successful in most cases, but sometimes there were boys the system failed, boys who continually slipped through the cracks, again and again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The London School for Placement was a highly respected orphanage that prided itself on giving its young boys a quality education while finding them permanent, loving homes.

Its adoption rates were impressive, and their educational standards and test scores put other private institutes of learning to shame.

Despite its stellar reputation, the school was not without controversy.

It had a policy of ‘trying a boy out,’ which allowed hopeful parents the opportunity to take a boy to their home to see if he were a good match. The child could be returned at any time, no questions asked.

The London School was basically offering a guarantee of satisfaction.

State orphanages followed strict, government-mandated guidelines, with prospective parents required to meet rigorous standards in order to be eligible to adopt. These same institutions accused The London School of treating its boys like simple merchandise and letting the new parents shirk their responsibility of being fully committed to becoming a family.

The school always disagreed, citing it was privately funded and did not fall under any regulations other than its own. Ultimately, it was a business, and had the freedom to run itself anyway it pleased.

Families who chose to adopt through The London School paid a great deal of money to get exactly what they wanted, and they expected favorable outcomes as a result. If things didn't work out as planned, they wanted reassurance that they wouldn't be left with any burden and were free of any obligation to the boy, or boys, whom they had rejected.

The school did its best to match its orphans with forever homes and, in most cases it was extremely successful, but sometimes there were boys the system failed, who continually slipped through the cracks, again and again.

 

Alex had lived at The London School for as long as he could remember.

He had no recollection of his parents, having lost them, and all memories of them, at an early age.

He couldn't recall his mother's never-ending hugs and sweet lullabies, her bright smile, or her delicious peanut butter cookies. He couldn't remember napping on his father's warm chest, playing together on the swings at the park, or watching football matches while curled up against him under a soft blanket on the settee.

These things were forever lost to him.

Although Alex's time with his parents was brief and his memory held no place for them, the love he felt during their short time together could be seen in the young person he was becoming - a kind, gentle soul who was polite, eager, and smart, very smart.

Despite his experiences, Alex maintained a positive outlook on life and it emanated from him, the sense that he knew he had been loved at one time in his life, and that he knew he would eventually be loved again.

He was sure of it.

So he simply waited, like all the boys, for the perfect family to come along, a family he fit with, a family who wanted him.

 

Miles remembered his mother, though he tried his best to forget her, a troubled woman who constantly teetered on the ledge between recovering and relapsing.

He also remembered the many men who came to visit his mum, had ‘sleepovers’ with her, and brought her substances that would make her happy and laughing one minute, angry and violent the next.

Early on in Miles’ life, social services deemed his home an unsuitable environment for a young child, so he became a ward of the state and was put into the foster/adoption system.

Miles never had any family interested in adopting him.

His portfolio mentioned his mother’s habitual drug abuse, so there was always a fear that Miles might have been affected in utero, or would eventually succumb to the same addiction.

In addition, Miles’ home life, or lack thereof, left him with a general mistrust of adults, and he was a hot-headed and impulsive kid, always acting before thinking. These traits weren't easy to hide from the few prospective parents who were initially interested in adopting him.

As a result, Miles was bounced from one orphanage to another and was extremely jaded because of it, and he carried himself as much older and wiser than his ten short years.

 

And now, once again, Miles found himself being transferred, this time to the prestigious London School in hopes that he would have a better chance of getting placed with a family in a big city.

Normally, The London School would not accept a high-risk boy like Miles, his reputation as unadoptable possibly marring its stellar record, but a favor had been called in between agencies and Miles was soon on his way to his new home.

If Miles had been older and knew more curse words, he would certainly be muttering a few under his breath as the taxi drove him to this new destination, cursing at his mother and cursing at life, for putting him in this situation.

 

Miles was delivered early one morning and after several hours of paperwork and a tour, he was taken to the cafeteria and left to fend for himself among the chaos of lunchtime, a class schedule clutched in his hand to follow that afternoon.

All eyes were on him at one point or another as he made his way to the lunch line, scowling the entire time, hating the feeling of being new, _AGAIN_.

Miles moved through the line, getting his food, and then turned with his tray to survey the room. Most eyes were no longer interested in him, he was just another boy tossed into the fray.

Alex, not one to pray, suddenly felt the need to, all too aware that he was sitting alone with plenty of space available to share.

_Please God, not here, not at my table, he looks so angry, and mean..._

Miles’ gaze landed on Alex. It was hard to miss the big, empty table with the scrawny kid trying to disappear under it.

Miles smirked.

 _Well, well, what do we have here? A loner, looks timid, but I can work with that._..

 

Miles plopped his tray on the table directly across from Alex and sat down, keeping his eyes on the boy, who was suddenly very interested in the stem of his apple, staring at it, twisting it nervously until it fell off.

Miles started eating, studying Alex between bites.

Alex kept his focus downward.

_Please, mean boy, please don't say anything, just eat, and then go..._

As is the way with most ten-year-olds, their conversation started and ended quickly, no small talk, getting right to the point.

“ _Hey_...I'm Miles…I'm new…”

“I'm Alex...I know…”

Miles took a bite of food, chewed it slowly, and swallowed before speaking again.

“You're going to be my best friend…”

“Yeah... _okay_ …”

They sat quietly, both pushing the food around on their plates, Miles still studying him intently, and Alex sneaking secret glances at his new friend every now and then.

 

An older kid passed by their table, grabbed the apple from Alex's tray, and in one smooth motion took a bite out of it as he continued walking by.

Alex flinched, but then relaxed when he realized what had happened. It was just Noel, an exceptionally annoying boy. Alex was used to him.

Miles, on the other hand, was indignant.

_What the hell?_

" _Alex!_ You can't let him do that!"

Alex jumped at Miles’ unexpected outburst.

_Really, Miles, new mean boy who is now my friend, it's okay, it happens all the time._

"It's just an apple...I'm not that hungry..."

Miles eyed the thin kid sitting across from him, a kid not any bulkier than himself, and then had the sinking suspicion that this sort of thing happened to Alex, a lot.

_No, no, no..._

Miles couldn't have that, nobody treated his new best mate like that.

" _Bloody hell_..." He muttered as he stood, scooping the apple from his own tray, taking aim, and pitching it hard, nailing the back of Noel's head perfectly.

The room fell silent.

 

Noel jerked forward from the impact and his hand immediately dropped the apple he had taken from Alex.

He reached to the back of his head, comforting the throbbing pain. He turned quickly, livid, his angry eyes finding a frightened Alex first before meeting Miles.

"Have mine, too..." Miles challenged.

Noel glared at Miles, sizing the new kid up. He took a flustered step forward, not used to being defied, but then thought better of it. Instead, he leaned over and picked up the thrown apple, shined it off on his trousers, and smirked.

"Thanks, mate..."

He snickered, took a bite, and sauntered off.

The cafeteria erupted in noise again, the incident practically forgotten by everyone not involved.

" _Oh my God!_ You’re bloody crazy...and brave!"

Alex was wide-eyed from shock, fear, and amazement, and he was trying his best to hold down a nervous giggle and smile.

" _That_ , or I'm really stupid..." Miles looked at Alex and grinned.

_I like this kid, he just needs some toughening up._

 

Miles sat back down and continued eating, reflecting on his day, so far.

_Not bad._

He had found a friend and had only picked one, harmless fight.

_Only one._

Overall, a good start in the new place.


	2. Chapter 2

Miles and Alex became instant friends.

They were an odd, unlikely pair.

Alex's shyness and awkwardness brought out a protective streak in Miles, and Miles' outgoing and independent personality inspired the reluctant Alex to start standing up for himself, to be heard.

Several of Alex's teachers expressed concern about his sudden association with Miles, afraid that the new boy with a bad reputation would lead their brilliant Alex astray, his grades suffering because of it.

To their astonishment, the exact opposite happened.

 

Alex became an even stronger student by taking Miles under his wing and teaching him everything he had learned, pushing and challenging Miles to do better in school, helping him study and continually stressing the importance of education.

The change in Miles was amazing.

He thrived under Alex's tutelage, soaking up the one-on-one attention and devouring every morsel of information Alex dished out. The transformation was not only seen academically, Miles was learning to relax his emotions and control his fiery anger, and he was no longer making dubious choices which had previously led him into trouble.

Miles now had focus and wanted to do well, not only for himself, but also for Alex, wanting to make his new friend proud, as a thank you for all the time Alex devoted to him.

Miles did so well in several classes, he was soon transferred to higher levels, even joining Alex in his accelerated English class.

 

Alex and Miles were always found together whenever their schedules allowed it, whether it was walking to classes, studying in the library, or eating in the cafeteria. If one was spotted, the other wasn't far behind.

They were inseparable.

They still preferred to be by themselves, but now they were by themselves, _together._

Their favorite pastime was sitting in the courtyard garden, finding small stones and challenging each other to hit certain colored rocks in the old, stone fence.

Sometimes they talked, but most of the time they were content to sit in silence, a few words here and there, some small talk, but nothing more. They found comfort in the other's presence and enjoyed the quiet companionship, something new to them both.

The most they interacted was when Alex helped Miles with his school work, discussing and explaining the lesson, his hands wildly animated, his eyes wide, the excitement of the topic spilling over into his words and spreading to Miles.

Miles couldn't help but be affected by Alex's enthusiasm and they spent a great deal of their time talking about books they were reading for class, a science experiment's results, or an interesting part of history they had just studied.

 

Miles was selected for his first try-out about six months after his arrival.

Alex could see the excitement in Miles' eyes and feel the hope that pumped through his veins as he told Alex about the first meeting he had with the family.

First meetings were held at the school, were informal in nature, and were simply an opportunity for prospective parents to get an initial feel for a boy they had selected. 

If the first meeting went well, the parents could request another meeting or choose to have a try-out, where the school provided the boy with a satchel containing provisions needed for a short stay. He was then moved to the family's home, with the hopes he would remain there, permanently.

The couple that chose Miles seemed nice, the man was a banker and the woman owned a clothing store. They were fairly young and liked to travel. Miles gushed.  _They even have two dogs!_

 

Miles excitedly went through the London School bag, marveling at everything that was included that went beyond the basic essentials of clothing and toiletries.

"Look, Alex! A new toothbrush! A notebook! And a boss pen and pencil set!"

Alex smiled, happy for his friend, but nervous for him, too.

Alex had had countless first meetings, all seeming like they went well, the prospective parents awesome, the future bright. Alex had also had countless try-outs, all ending miserably, some worse than others, several that he never wanted to talk about, that he had pushed deeply into the darkest corners of his mind. 

He wanted to say something to Miles, to warn the lad about getting his hopes up, but when he observed his friend and his tangible excitement, he didn't have the heart. He didn't want to be negative when Miles was feeling so high.

So he didn't say anything, didn't warn him.

Alex just sat there, smiling, and allowed himself to get caught up in Miles' enthusiasm as the boy handed him the pen and pencil set to admire, trying to bury the worry and sadness he felt, sadness over losing Miles, his only true friend, knowing that he would once again be the loner kid, sitting by himself.

Alone.

 

Miles hadn't given much thought to The London School's return policy.

He had seen many boys from his bunkroom and fellow classmates leave, with one occasionally returning now and again, but he had never read much into it. It was a rare enough occurance to not take much notice of.

The majority of boys left on their first try-out, never to be seen again, happy in their new homes.

Miles assumed that being selected meant that he had finally been chosen, that a family finally wanted him to join them, forever.

The first meeting with the couple was short, but it went well and Miles couldn't contain his exuberance. He had wanted this for so long, to be normal, to be loved. He was thrilled, bouncing with expectation, wondering what life would be like with his new parents, wondering if his new pets liked to play ball or chase squirrels.

For the first time in his life, Miles felt like he was worth something.

In the back of his mind, Miles was sad that he was leaving Alex, and he made a promise to himself that he would write letters to his best friend with his new pen and new paper, from his new desk, in his new room, at his new home, with his new family, as often as possible.

Miles was returned after only three days.

 

He was dropped off late at night, bewildered, clutching the TLSP bag that had held so much hope and promise only a few days prior.

The couple hadn't even bothered explaining to Miles what was happening, instead having a housekeeper walk him to the waiting taxi that night while they were away at dinner.

A complete stranger, the taxi driver, was the one who walked Miles up to The London School's door and handed him over to the night receptionist.

That night, Miles returned to his bunkroom and sat silently on his bed in a daze, while the other boys slept around him.

_Wasn't even gone long enough to get a stupid new bed assignment..._

He lay slowly onto his side, his shoes still on, not bothering to change, not bothering to get under the blanket, and curled up tightly, quietly crying himself to sleep.

 

The next morning found Miles bitter and angry at the world.

Alex spotted him in the hallway while on his way to class and he gasped in surprise, then was quickly concerned, knowing Miles must be upset over being rejected.

Still, he couldn't hide his happiness at seeing Miles again, and planned to do anything in his power to lift his friend's spirits.

" _Miles!_ "

"Go away, Alex..." Miles mumbled, scowling.

" _What?_ Miles... _no_...it's okay...don't be like this...it happens a lot...to a lot of us..." Alex spoke gently, wanting to reassure his friend.

Miles fired back, angrily.

"No, Alex, it doesn't...it only happens a lot to _you_! I shouldn't even be talking to you...your horrible luck has rubbed off on me...and now nobody wants _me_ either!"

Alex looked as if he had been punched in the gut.

_It's okay, he doesn't mean it..._

He shook his head, his brows furrowing.

"No... _no_...Miles...listen to me...you don't mean that...you're just sad and angry right now...you'll see..."

Miles softened, wanting to believe his friend.

_Maybe Alex is right._

"Back so soon, Miles? _Wow!_ I think you set a record! You and Alex make a perfect couple...you're both unwanted rejects!" Noel and some upperclassmen passed by, snickering and laughing.

Miles stiffened as he balled his hands into tight fists, looking to the floor, furious and embarrassed.

"It'll get better... _I promise_..."

Alex tried to comfort him by placing a hand on Miles' shoulder, knowing the emotions Miles was going through. Miles angrily shrugged it off and took a step backward, acting as though Alex were poisonous.

"Well, _you_ would know...you're the biggest loser around here, aren't you, Alex? You're bad luck! Get away from me and don't come near me or talk to me _ever_ again!"

Miles stalked off to class, leaving Alex speechless, standing there watching Miles leave, shaking his head as his eyes started tearing up.

 

Miles sat in his next class, teeth and fists clenched, trying to get himself under control.

_Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

He hadn't meant to lash out at Alex and push him away, but he had to admit that saying those horrible things had somehow made him feel better, let him direct his anger and frustration onto something else.

Unfortunately, that something else was Alex.

Miles convinced himself that he did the right thing, that what he had said to Alex was nothing but the truth, nobody wanted Alex, and he was doing Alex a favor by reminding him of it, sparing him future pain by not getting his hopes up.

_Sometimes the truth hurts, Alex, you need to be tougher...a lot tougher._

Miles struggled, trying to make sense out of this new situation and experience. He was confused, embarrassed, ashamed, and frustrated.

He had hoped things would be different here, better. He preferred the other method of adoption, _not_ being picked at all was much better than being picked and then returned, as though he were defective.

_What is wrong with me?_

 

Miles quickly slipped into his old ways, talking back to his teachers, letting his studies suffer, missing assignments, keeping to himself, always angry, and he avoided Alex as much as possible, convincing himself that the kid was nothing but bad luck.

Miles would glare and say horribly mean things to Alex when he couldn't avoid him, hoping to drive Alex completely away.

During the next several weeks, the distance between the two grew wider, both deliberately avoiding the other.

And two months later, Alex was sent on a try-out, his first in a long time, in hopes of another match. He was happy and cautiously hopeful after the first meeting with the couple who chose him. They were very nice and excited for Alex to join them.

They told him of their big house, the prestigious school he would be attending, and the exotic vacations they would take.

Despite his excitement over the try-out, Alex wished he had had a chance to say goodbye to Miles, to try one more time to smooth things out between them, to get their friendship back to the way it used to be.

He hated to think he would never see Miles again.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex's new placement was nice, _really_ nice.

The couple lived on a large estate with beautiful gardens and an enormous pool, and they had an army of people to maintain that estate, weed those gardens, and clean that pool.

The woman treated Alex as though he were a little doll, and she loved to parade him out in front of her friends as they sipped champagne and ate tiny sandwiches and biscuits, Alex looking handsome dressed in the expensive, fashionable clothes she had laid out for him, before sending him directly back to his room.

Alex's bedroom was huge and there were many toys, all placed so perfectly on the shelves that when Alex first saw the room, he felt like he were looking at a picture in one of those fancy home magazines.

He soon learned that the toys were not to be touched, his prospective mother getting agitated when Alex didn't return a toy to the exact spot it had been, shaking and lecturing him severely, before compulsively adjusting the object a quarter of an inch here and a slight angle there until its placement met her satisfaction.

Alex spent a lot of time in his room, sitting quietly on the bed, staring at those toys, waiting to be summoned.

 

The woman's behavior toward Alex drew the ire of his potential father, who quickly grew to resent Alex and the attention he was receiving.

The man was much older than his new wife, and had only agreed to adopt in an effort to stop the woman's complaints that he wasn't man enough to give her a child naturally.

Their fighting became more frequent and Alex was often caught between them, becoming collateral damage as the man handled Alex very roughly in front of the woman, wanting to hurt her as much as he was hurting Alex.

Alex spent a lot of time in his room, hugging his hurt body, sobbing, wanting to leave.

The woman soon grew tired of Alex. A friend had just become pregnant through some trendy, new procedure, prompting her constant mumbling to her husband about wanting to get pregnant and have a 'real' child she could truly love, not just a kid that had been purchased.

Alex's stay with them lasted less than four months.

Four very long months.

 

Alex was returned, but this time he was actually relieved and happy to be as far away as possible from the couple and their abuse, his long-sleeved shirt concealing the many bruises across his back and the dark fingermarks on his arms.

He tried to get comfortable as the car service drove him to The London School, but the dull, throbbing pain throughout his entire body made it difficult and he found himself shifting frequently.

_Don't tell anyone, don't tell anyone, don't tell anyone..._

Alex repeated the mantra to himself, accepting that the bruises were his secret, and his alone.

He had learned early on to keep quiet when he had been abused on a try-out.

The first time it happened was when he was very young and couldn't express himself clearly with his limited vocabulary. He had told the counselor upon his return that he had been spanked on his bum _and_ on his face, _a lot_ , and that it always made blood come from his nose.

The man suddenly stooped down to Alex's level and grabbed his shoulder tightly, frightening the little boy as he pointed his finger directly in Alex's face, sternly warning him that he should never talk about it, or anything else that happened on try-outs,  _ever_ , that he was lucky to be chosen, and that his complaint would go on his record and no family would ever want him if he were a tattletale.

The thought terrified Alex.

Because he was so very young.

And he desperately wanted a family.

So he kept the pain to himself, again and again.

Alex did his best to doze on the long trip, but when he couldn't sleep, he found himself wondering if Miles were still at the school.

He hoped he was, which was surprising, considering the way Miles had treated him. Alex dreaded the hateful looks and bruising comments that were sure to come, especially now that Miles would have even more ammunition to hurt him with, another rejection added to Alex's already long list and further proof of how unwanted and unlucky Alex really was.

Alex hated to admit that he missed Miles.

But he did.

A mean Miles was better than no Miles, after all.

It was _still_ Miles.

 

The lunch bell rang, and the kids poured into the courtyard noisily, eager to use their free time wisely.

"Looks like Alex is back. _Bloody hell_. What a fuckin' loser!" Noel smirked as he passed by Miles, pushing his shoulder roughly into him, making Miles stumble briefly.

Miles' head snapped up towards the garden, his heart jumping when he saw Alex sitting on the bench, off to himself.

Miles was instantly torn, feeling guilty that he was overjoyed at Alex's return, knowing that meant Alex had been rejected again and was no doubt feeling pain, feeling unworthy.

But Miles was so happy to see him sitting there.

Miles had been devastated when he heard that Alex had been sent off on this recent try-out. He realized that if this one worked out and Alex were adopted, it would leave things between them in the horrible mess Miles had made, forever.

_And it was all my fault._

During Alex's absence, Miles had had a lot of time to reflect on his behavior and he deeply regretted lashing out at his friend.

He knew he was wrong.

Miles also realized that he was only hurting himself by slipping into his old, defiant ways, so with a lot of determination, he managed to re-apply himself, the way Alex had taught him, and his grades benefitted greatly.

He was now extremely grateful to be given the chance to reconcile with Alex.

_I have to make things right with the boy._

 

Miles approached the garden slowly, picking up several small stones before quietly sitting beside Alex, trying to figure out how to apologize.

Alex turned his head slightly, his body stiffening when he realized it was Miles, excited to see he was still at the school, but fearing the harsh words sure to come from his mouth.

"The dark grey stone in three throws..."

Miles challenged, pointing to the target nonchalantly and opening his hand, offering the stones, like no time had passed and nothing bad had ever happened between them.

Alex looked at the wall and the stone in question, then quickly snatched a rock from Miles' open palm, aimed it, and threw hard, hitting the target on the first try.

" _Nice_...been practicing?"

"All the time...you know...between being rejected and being a loser..." Alex mumbled, his gaze lingering on the target.

_Here it comes, he's going to say something mean, like how I deserve it and I'm nothing but bad luck..._

"Shut up, Alex, you weren't rejected, and you're _not_ a loser. Those people were too bloody stupid to be your parents if they couldn't see how great you are..."

 

Alex stared at the wall, trying to swallow the large lump that had suddenly risen in his throat, threatening to choke him.

His plan to be tough and prepared for Miles' harsh comments was shaken, the kind words Miles spoke throwing him off, causing tears to form in his eyes.

He sighed and quickly wiped the wetness away with the back of his hand, hoping Miles hadn't noticed.

Alex couldn't do this anymore.

These stupid try-outs were killing him, especially without Miles' friendship, something Alex had come to rely heavily on, something he really missed.

_Get it together, you really are a loser, don't react, don't let him know your weaknesses, and God, don't let him know you miss him, he'll use it against you._

Alex nodded, his inner pep talk helping him to get a grip on his emotions.

Miles was being oddly nice right now, but Alex couldn't let his guard down because at any minute Miles was going to say something incredibly mean and hurtful.

And Alex didn't want to stick around for it.

"Sure... _whatever_ , Miles...I've got to get lunch..."

 

Alex moved to stand, but Miles caught him by the shoulder, pulling him back down, needing to take the opportunity to make amends.

Alex flinched more out of instinct than soreness, experience teaching him that pain would soon follow when someone grabbed him so suddenly. He whimpered as he jerked out of Miles' grasp and immediately shuffled to the far end of the bench, cowering away from Miles.

Miles watched Alex's movement with confusion. He had never physically hurt his friend, but Alex's reaction suggested that he _had_ been hurt, many times, and was expecting Miles to do far worse than pulling him back down to sit.

Miles was concerned and felt rage stir deep within him at the thought that somebody would hurt Alex, his kind, gentle Alex. Miles managed to calm himself quickly and filed the thought away, hoping he would have a chance to ask Alex about it later.

If there were a later.

Alex started to rise, spurring Miles to sputter his feelings out quickly, before Alex had a chance to walk away.

"No, please don't go...I'm sorry, Alex...about the way I was...and the things I said...I was wrong...and angry...shouldn't have taken it out on you...I'm sorry... _please_...be my friend again..."

 

Alex sat back down slowly and looked at Miles, suspiciously.

_Is this a joke? A new way to make me weak before hurting me again? Please don't be a joke because I can't take it. Please, just stop._

Alex continued studying Miles, noticing he looked different, vulnerable, his eyes were wide, shiny and wet, genuine in their sincerity.

_Oh my god, he really means it..._

Alex let out a breath, which caught on a sob.

"I'm sorry, too, Miles...because you felt so bad when you came back...I should've warned you...and I'm sorry about this dumb place and their dumb try-outs...I'm _always_ gonna be your friend..."

Miles nodded and smiled through his tears, happier than he had been in a long time.

"It's going to get better, Al...that's what you said...it can't get any worse, _right?_ "

Miles winked and sniffled, making Alex chuckle, despite knowing from experience that things could get much worse, and probably would.

 

They sat in the garden, on their bench, for the remainder of lunch, neither wanting to get food, content with being together after so long apart.

They took turns finding stones to throw and pointing out new targets.

For the first time in their friendship, they opened up to each other, having a real conversation _about_ themselves, _with_ themselves.

After some coaxing, Alex shared about the abuse he had endured on several try-outs, and Miles told Alex about his mother. They both felt a wave of relief crash over them at the revelations, finally having someone to confide in, someone they could trust with their feelings and their secrets, after so many years of putting on a fake front, staying strong and unemotional on the outside.

A new bond was formed, they could feel it, it was now them against the world.

" _Hey_ , look at this!"

Alex held up a dark, oval-shaped rock and admired the shining speckles on it before handing it to Miles.

Miles turned it over in his palm several times, marveling at its beauty, and then set it on the pavement and smashed it in two with a larger rock.

" _Miles!_ Why'd you do that? It was so cool...I was gonna keep it...and now you ruined it!"

"No, Alex, it's even cooler now...and we both get to keep a piece of it...it's our _mates forever_ rock!"

" _What?_ You're crazy!"

 

"No, I'm not... _watch_..."

Miles placed the two broken pieces together again so that they looked like one solid stone before pulling them apart, triumphantly, as though he had just performed a magic trick.

"It's like us...solid on the outside...messed up on the inside...get it?"

He handed one half to Alex, the size fitting perfectly in his palm, allowing Alex to close his fingers over it completely so it was hidden.

"You have to carry it with you, Alex... _always_...promise...they'll make us strong when we need it...if someone... _you know_...if someone hurts you...or makes me angry...and we can't be there to help each other..."

Alex turned the broken stone over in his hand, his thumb gliding over the soft, smooth part, then catching on the jagged, broken part.

 _Yeah_ , this was them, hard and emotionless on the outside, broken and hurting on the inside. If they were together, no one could see their inside pain and no one could hurt them anymore. And they would remain strong now, even when apart. The stone would remind them they had each other, always.

_Miles is the most brilliant friend, ever._

"Yeah... _okay_...cool...our  _mates forever_ rock _..."_

They grinned at each other and bumped shoulders.

"I missed you, Mi..."

"I missed you more, Alex..."

The bell rang and both boys jammed the stones into their pockets, feeling the comforting weight the rocks already provided, as they ran to their next classes.


	4. Chapter 4

Soon after Alex's return, Miles found a way onto the roof of the building.

Alex never asked Miles how he had discovered the broken window, and Miles only offered that he had simply noticed the faulty latch as he was passing by.

 _Why_ Miles was in the off-limits area of the building, Alex didn't know.

But it was _Miles_ , after all.

A lad who seemed to gravitate towards odd discoveries, talents, and knowledge.

 

The first few times they ventured onto the roof, Alex was scared.

He had never broken school rules before, had actually never broken _any_ rules before, but felt compelled to keep up with Miles and join him on his adventure.

Alex needed a boost to haul his slight body up through the small, square window.

The sheer height of the building and the dangerously low parapet frightened Alex at first, and he had a very difficult time getting close enough to the ledge to look over.

It wasn't long, though, before Miles and his fearlessness gave Alex the courage to overcome his fear and he was soon leaning over the bricks next to Miles, amazed at how tiny everything looked down below.

Eventually, Alex was able to sit on the edge, his legs dangling casually over, without a single worry.

 

The roof quickly became their favorite place, where they felt important, towering above the rest of the world, looking down on the immense city and its inhabitants.

They loved the view, especially when it was very late, dark, and quiet, the city sleeping soundly under a blanket of lazily twinkling lights.

During warm, summer nights, when everyone else was asleep, they would sneak up there and lie on the covers pulled from their beds. They would look at the stars and talk, making up stories and dozing, relying only on Alex's innate alarm clock to wake them in time to return to their beds before anyone noticed they were gone.

"Hey, Miles?"

"Yeah, Alex."

"When we get out of here...when we go off with our forever families...can we still be friends?"

"Yeah, sure...of course... _mates forever,_ right?"

"Right...because I can't imagine you not being in my life...you know..."

"Yeah...I know, Al...I feel the same...now go to sleep..."

"Okay..."

 

During winter, they would sneak up early in the mornings after a heavy snow smothered the city, covering up its stark ugliness, and they would marvel at the crisp whiteness and pure silence.

"Alex, when we go off with our forever families...we'll write to each other...every day...and I'm going to send you a card on Christmas that looks just like this...okay?"

" _Gosh_...I'd really love that, Mi...it would remind me of this place...and you..."

" _Mates forever._..right?"

"Right... _forever_..."

It wasn't long before Alex and Miles were taller and more physically capable, negotiating the window with sureness, strong arms easily hoisting and squeezing their lean bodies through the small opening.

The rooftop was their place, their private sanctuary that no one else knew about, and Alex and Miles were determined to keep it that way, always making sure to leave it exactly as they had found it, no clues that they had been there, the window shut tightly, the latch still broken, but no one the wiser.

 

It started slowly, the touching.

Something that wasn't given a second thought by others meant a great deal to the two boys who had never had the familial touch of a mother or father, a brother or sister, even an aunt or uncle, or a grandma or grandpa.

They didn't even have the bonding touch of friends or teammates.

But it was something they both needed, and the small, innocent touches surged through their bodies, giving them strength, peace of mind, and fullness of heart.

Though silent, the touches spoke volumes.

A simple arm thrown across a shoulder.

_You're with me, I will protect you, I'm on your side._

A hand to the back or the clutching of an arm through crowded hallways.

_I want you near, I want you to stay with me, I don't want to lose you._

A forehead touch or shoulder bump.

 _I understand you, I care about you, I need you close_.

A hair tousle.

_I'm happy with you, I'm here for you, I want you to smile._

A hand held.

_I've got you, I'm with you, I'll do anything you need._

A hug.

 _I'll always be here for you, I want to help, I'm yours_.

Alex and Miles were happy, finally having someone they were connected with, someone they could never be torn apart from, and their world fell into a comfortable routine, the boys enjoying their classes, studying, and sneaking off on their own.

 

Alex was surprised one afternoon when a slip of paper was placed on his desk, notifying him that he was going on a try-out later that day. His brow furrowed, puzzled and questioning.

_This had never happened before._

He hadn't even had a first meeting with the prospective couple.

During the next class change, Alex weaved through the rush of boys and finally found Miles outside his government class. Alex pulled him quickly into a restroom to say goodbye, hugging him tightly, joking that he would be back soon.

Miles smiled and squeezed Alex hard in the hug, wishing him luck.

There was always a mix of happiness and guilt when the two went on try-outs, each boy honestly wishing the best for the other, but also selfishly hoping they were returned.

Miles watched Alex walk away, stopping as he was about to turn down a side hall, waving at Miles one last time.

Miles tried his best to be happy for his friend, but was already missing him so much.

 

Alex left and was instantly plunged into a constant state of confusion in his new home, his prospective parents asking him to do one thing, then beating him, insisting they had asked him to do something else.

As they hurt him, they would yell that it was his fault, that they loved him dearly, and that they were only punishing him so that he could be a better son and learn to please them.

The couple withheld food, giving Alex very little each day in order to keep him weak both physically and mentally, making their manipulation of him faster and easier.

Alex found it difficult to make sense of things when his stomach was aching and he was dangerously light-headed.

He started believing that maybe this _was_ the way real families were, and that he needed to try harder and do his best to make his new parents happy.

 

For many weeks the abuse continued, and Alex rapidly weakened.

The woman would say loving things to Alex and then turn around and blame him for her anger, hitting him again and again while Alex cowered and apologized over and over, crying that he would do better the next time.

But it was the man who frightened Alex the most.

After beating him, the man would pull Alex's limp and hurt body onto his lap and apologize, stroking his hair as he cradled him close, saying he just needed Alex to be good so they wouldn't have to punish him.

The man scared Alex, especially when he would whisper in Alex's ear, promising to visit him one night soon, so Alex could learn how to properly please his new father.

 

The only comfort Alex had during this time was the stone in his pocket, his thumb either constantly running over the smooth part or his fist tightly squeezing it until his hand was sore.

He would think of Miles as he gripped the rock, feeling the soothing warmth and strength of his friend as though he were near.

The stone helped to calm Alex every night as he struggled to stay awake, his wide eyes focused on the locked door to his room, his desk chair wedged securely in front of it.

After several months, Alex was convinced that this was his new life, that this was how normal families acted, and that he needed his new parents' guidance to become a better son.

All he wanted was to please them.

 

The man and woman, confident in their progress with Alex, notified The London School that they wanted to keep him permanently.

The school sent a counselor to their home with the final legal documents that needed to be signed, making the adoption official.

Upon arriving, the counselor requested Alex's presence, but the couple refused, giving the excuse that Alex had been sick and was not well enough to leave his room.

The counselor had insisted, it was procedure to have the child present so the documents could be fully explained to him. He suggested that, if Alex couldn't come to them, perhaps they could go to Alex.

The couple reluctantly called Alex to join them.

And for the first time in its long and successful history, The London School for Placement pulled a boy from his prospective home.

 

Alex entered slowly, his eyes cast down, fixed upon the ground, not even noticing at first that there was a stranger in the room.

The counselor bit back his shock when he looked up from his papers and saw, standing before him, a dangerously thin boy, painfully bruised and broken.

The man knew that The London School certainly didn't want the publicity of a dead or abused child on its record, so it was imperative to remove the boy, _immediately_ , to protect the school's reputation.

The man quickly closed his briefcase and instructed the couple to get Alex's belongings packed up.

Alex's body trembled and his frightened eyes widened as they quickly glanced from the man to his parents, expecting their immediate wrath to fall on him for being such an unworthy son.

The counselor handled the situation diplomatically, apologizing profusely to the man and woman, stating that Alex wasn't a good fit for them and that they deserved a child who would thrive in their generous and loving home.

The couple protested, wanting Alex, especially now that the boy was nearly broken and perfectly subservient, but the counselor had insisted, reassuring the couple that the school would gladly work with them to find a more suitable, and grateful, boy.

 

So Alex came back, alarmingly thin and quieter than normal, the dark circles under his eyes revealing lack of sleep, his jumpiness revealing fear.

Miles was furious when he saw Alex and he immediately wanted to lash out at someone, _anyone_ , to make them pay for Alex's pain, but he managed to keep his anger inside instead of causing more problems.

The last thing Alex needed in his condition was to worry about him.

Miles tried to get him to talk about what had happened, but Alex would become agitated and fidgety, making it clear that he didn't want to talk about it and just wanted to be left alone.

Miles realized that Alex needed to work through his emotions on his own, so he gave the boy his space, confident that Alex knew what he needed best and would come around when he was ready.

So Miles kept his distance, but stayed near, watching and waiting patiently for that moment when his friend would need him.

 

Eventually, Alex started to put on weight and look healthier as he managed to undo the cruel knots the couple had tied in his head.

He also started showing up and sitting with Miles at lunch and in the courtyard, throwing stones again, not talking much, his hand sometimes sneaking into Miles' where it briefly stayed, long enough for Miles to give it a firm squeeze with a side glance and smile.

Alex liked that.

One night on the roof, Alex scooted closer to Miles and rested his head on his shoulder. Miles' arm instinctively wrapped around Alex and he held the boy as his body began to shake and the sobs and tears started flowing.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Miles asked softly.

"No...no...just... _please_...hold me..."

And Miles did.

Tighter than ever.

The next day, they resumed where they had left off, with no further mention of the try-out.

Because that was the way Alex wanted it.

 

Later that year, Miles went on a try-out and stayed away for several months, so many months that Alex convinced himself that everything had worked out well for him, and that he wouldn't be coming back.

Miles had finally found his forever home.

Alex was sad for himself, but elated for Miles.

Miles _hadn't_ found his forever home and was in a constant state of turmoil with his new family. The parents were very nice and Miles liked them a great deal, but the prospective brothers resented Miles, not understanding why their parents wanted another child when they already had two of their own.

Miles tried his best to make things work, but his new brothers were relentless and goaded Miles on, calling him names and picking fights with him daily.

There was continual arguing throughout the house, with the parents always defending Miles, knowing exactly what their sons were doing.

 

During the verbal assaults, Miles would grit his teeth and clutch the stone in his pocket, his thumb grating over the jagged edge, so much that it painfully drew blood, but also soothed him and helped him hold back his anger and impulse to act out.

Miles would think of Alex and how calm he always was, how he never let anger take over. Miles wanted to be more like Alex, so he let the taunting and teasing slide off of him.

But the stone could do only so much.

When the boys escalated their anger and became physical, Miles had to defend himself.

There were many brawls, with blood spilled, cuts, and bruises. One particularly rough fight ended with one of the brothers sporting a broken arm and slight concussion, leaving the parents frustrated with no other recourse.

The only solution to restore peace in their home was to return Miles.

Miles sat sullenly in the car as he was delivered to The London School, sure of the fact that a family would never choose him, it was _never_ going to happen.

And that was okay because he didn't care about having a family anymore.

All he needed was Alex.

 

Miles returned, hiding his frustration as soon as he saw Alex was still at the school.

He managed to push his pain even further away upon learning that he was now assigned to Alex's bunk room.

Bed assignments were always shifting at the school with so many boys constantly coming and going, and Miles' track record on try-outs had moved him quickly through the rooms, until he finally landed in with Alex.

Alex seemed to have some type of seniority with his record of being the kid who had been at TLSP the longest.

His bed and room assignment had remained unchanged for many years, even when he was gone for months. The staff was either too lazy to shift another child into that room or didn't have much faith that Alex would be kept, so it remained Alex's.

Alex didn't mind the lack of confidence, he loved his bed and its location, sat back in the corner of the room under a large window with an enormous sill.

It was _his_ home, his own space, and he would often sit on the sill and read and write as he watched the seasons pass. Sometimes, he would look out at at the courtyard and beyond, wondering if his forever family lived in one of the buildings he could see for miles and miles.

 

Each room housed four boys and Alex's room held others who also had trouble finding homes, boys who were often teased because of their inability to be adopted.

While Alex and his roommates wouldn't be called _close_ friends, they did identify with each other and were friendly, and they had an unspoken understanding that they were unique, maybe not in a good way.

There was Joshua, a big, strapping lad with a shock of red hair who towered over everyone, a giant able to easily palm a football in one hand, his size intimidating potential parents.

And there was Richard, a smart, funny kid with wild hair, big glasses, and a cynical outlook on life, his intelligence and dry wit sometimes off-putting to those who didn't know him.

And now, there was Miles.

It was a dubious distinction to be placed in Alex's room, but it secretly made both Alex and Miles happy, they were another step closer to each other, which meant more time they could spend together.

 

Miles didn't want to show Alex that he was upset over his latest try-out.

It seemed petty to be so emotionally affected and depressed over another return, especially when compared to the horrible experiences Alex had suffered.

Miles had no right to feel sorry for himself.

So, Miles acted tough and made jokes about himself being unwanted goods. He was quite convincing, and he and Alex laughed and caught up on school gossip as he unpacked his satchel and settled in to his new room.

Late that night, when everyone else was asleep, Miles lay there, finally letting the silent tears stream down the sides of his face, the ones he successfully held in all day.

_I hate this place._

_I hate myself._

_What is wrong with me?_

 

Alex lay there, too, his eyes cast toward the large window, listening to the soft sniffling and muffled crying several beds away. His heart broke for Miles, because of yet another rejection, but also because Miles felt that he needed to hide how he was really feeling from Alex.

Alex lay there as long as he could, until the urge to comfort his friend was too strong.

_If Miles doesn't have me, then who does he have?_

Alex quietly rose and made his way to Miles, quickly lifting and worming under the bed covers, spooning his friend from behind.

Miles jumped at first, but soon heard Alex's voice as he whispered.

"It's okay, Mi...I'm here...I've got you...it's going to be okay..."

Miles nodded and let the tears quietly fall, and Alex held him tight, sharing his warmth, rocking his friend, soothing and comforting like a mother would, until they both fell asleep.

Alex woke naturally at the first signs of dawn and returned to his bed where he dozed again until the morning bell sounded.


	5. Chapter 5

The London School for Placement was always in a state of change with boys continually arriving and leaving over the next several years.

Alex and Miles continued to endure first meetings and try-outs, and learned to handle their experiences and rejections much better.

The boys weren't dumb.

They knew that, as teenagers, their chances of finding homes became even slimmer, most couples wanting to adopt younger children they could shape and mold.

Alex and Miles tried their best to remain unphased after every promising first meeting, and they went into their try-outs with low expectations in order to ease the inevitable disappointment of being returned.

They knew the odds were now against them.

So they played it cool and acted unaffected, but on the inside, each boy still held out hope that, one day, he might be chosen by his forever family, who would take him into their home and love him, forever.

It still hurt every time they were returned.

They just got better at hiding and masking the pain.

 

Miss Marge, the enormous cafeteria lady, enjoyed terrorizing the boys at the school. It certainly didn't take much, and she loved to see them cower as she towered and bellowed over them.

Large Marge, the nickname kids bravely whispered behind her back, truly coveted the reputation she had earned.

She had never married nor had children and was never pleasant, hugely disappointed with her lot in life, stuck working in a cafeteria, making a pittance serving slop to boys nobody wanted.

Even though Miss Marge was the school employee who had worked at TLSP the longest, she still hadn't been there as long as Alex, who had arrived a year before her.

Through the years and via workplace gossip, she learned about Alex's history of horrible try-outs. And, yet, despite all of Alex's problems, damn if that kid didn't always manage to look her in the eyes and smile shyly as he thanked her every single time for dishing his plate.

Every single time.

Miss Marge quickly took a shine to Alex, and maybe her hidden affection was partially laced with pity, but maybe it was mostly because he always smiled and thanked her.

And then along came the boy Miles and the two were joined at the hip, and Miles seemed good for Alex, and that made Miss Marge happy. Miles seemed like a good kid, too, matching Alex's smile with a cheeky grin and shining eyes as they always thanked her, always.

Yes, those two easily wormed a place into her sad, cold heart.

 

It didn't take long for Miss Marge's dormant, motherly instinct to kick in, and she soon felt an overwhelming need to nurture the lads as though they were her own.

She always muttered the same thing as she pushed an extra morsel their way, her eyes darting around to ensure no one was watching, motioning for them to quickly take it.

"Here, boys, save these for later. Don't let anyone see or it'll be my job. Look at you! You two are pathetic, just skin and bones. Need to eat more..."

The offerings ranged from slices of freshly buttered bread or biscuits to sugar cookies or pastries, always coming wrapped in waxed paper, to help keep them warm, for later.

"Thank you, Miss Marge..." Both boys grinned at her, every single time, their eyes wide in disbelief that an adult would be bending the rules and taking a chance, for them.

The corners of her lips would rise slightly before her stern face returned and she huffed something about having to do the job of making sure everyone was fed properly being the administrators weren't.

She barked out for the next frightened kid in line to hurry up, glaring at the little boy as he timidly handed her his plate, her loud voice booming that she didn't have all day.

The boys quickly grabbed the offering, furtively jamming them into their jacket pockets before lifting their lunch trays and heading to their usual table.

 

Miles was selected for another try-out, and stayed for several months before returning, angrier and more hurt than ever.

Without Alex around for support, Miles found himself slipping into old familiar ways, wanting to fit in with others and make things work, no matter what it involved.

The prospective family was eager for Miles and his new cousin to become friends.

The cousin was a typical adolescent and frequently sneaked out after curfew, wasn't a stranger to stealing and vandalism, and liked smoking, drinking, and girls.

Miles tried his best to avoid the temptation, not wanting to fall into his old, delinquent ways, but he couldn't avoid spending time with the kid, the family constantly pushed them together, wanting them to bond.

The only thing that helped anchor Miles was the stone in his pocket, giving weight and strength to Miles on many occasions.

 

One night, instead of going to a football match like they had told their parents, the cousin dragged Miles to an abandoned building where the local teenagers hung out.

Several other boys and some girls met them for smokes and drinks and soon, they were throwing rocks and breaking windows. Miles was persuaded to join in with them, drinking and smoking, flirting with the girls, and aiming the rocks with precision, the others impressed with his accuracy.

After an hour or so, the police showed up and the kids, including Miles' cousin, scattered, leaving Miles in an unfamiliar place with nowhere to run.

The cops took Miles to the precinct and he received a stern lecture on underage drinking and destruction of property before they called the family to pick him up. Even after telling the parents the truth about what had happened, Miles still got the blame, not the cousin.

Miles came back to TLSP the following day with the words 'hooligan' and 'bad influence' written on the official return form that went permanently into his portfolio.

 

Miles had no sooner returned, when Alex was chosen for a try-out after a promising first meeting.

His prospective father was a successful entrepreneur who had worked very hard for the wealth and status he had achieved, but was at the point in his life where he was getting older and wanted a child to groom to take over his empire. Having not had any success with finding a wife and having children of his own, he decided to adopt.

He was impressed with Alex's academic success and hoped to mold him into a future mover and shaker.

However, once they settled in, the man had doubts he had picked the right boy.

Alex was too quiet and compliant, frustrating the man, and he also had no interest in joining a sport. His new father signed him up anyway, wanting him to become more aggressive and competitive.

If he were going to give this orphan his name and wealth, the boy had better deserve it by becoming a force to be reckoned with, someone who commanded a room from the moment he entered it, like himself.

 

One day, his new father became agitated when Alex missed his lacrosse practice, again. Alex explained that there was an important test the next day, and he felt studying was a bigger priority.

The man wanted Alex to understand that he needed to learn to balance many things in order to be successful and, following his lecture, Alex politely thanked him for his advice and turned back to his studies.

This angered him, he felt like Alex had just dismissed his invaluable advice, and he grabbed Alex's arm to turn the boy around to look at him so he could explain things again.

But he did it a little too roughly and accidentally twisted Alex's arm unnaturally.

They both froze and Alex's eyes rounded and his face went ashen, both knowing the popping sound they heard was not good.

For a few moments, Alex couldn't feel anything except nausea twisting in his stomach. The pain soon set in and the man urgently motioned for Alex to follow him so they could go to the hospital.

Alex used his good arm to quickly grab his stone from the desk, where it sat on Alex's book, marking the passage he had been studying.

He jammed it into his pocket, where it belonged.

 

His prospective father was horrified at what he had done and sincerely apologized on the drive to the hospital. They sat in awkward silence before he sighed heavily.

"Alex, son, this isn't going to work out. I was hoping you and I were more alike and shared the same drive to succeed..."

Alex quietly nodded, and looked out the window, his thumb worrying constantly against the stone in his pocket, helping him ignore both the man's rejection and the throbbing in his arm.

They arrived at The London School directly after Alex's arm was set in a cast, and the man quickly signed the necessary return forms before turning to look at Alex, placing a strong grip on his good shoulder.

"Good luck, son, I wish you well. Remember, you need to toughen up to make it in this world, Alex, don't ever be afraid to stick up for what you believe in..."

Alex nodded again, offering him a weak smile, and watched as he left the building.

_At least he wished me luck..._

 

Alex returned to his room that evening, and had to reassure a surprised and very concerned Miles that he was okay and the cast would come off in six weeks.

"I'm never going on a try-out again..." Alex mumbled as he lay back on his bed, picking at the edges of his cast.

Miles nodded, saying nothing, both boys knowing he would continue going on try-outs and it was just Alex's frustration talking.

Alex cried that night as they sat on his bed, Miles' arm around him, offering silent support.

"Why am I such a disappointment, Miles? What more do I have to do?"

"I wish I knew, Alex..." Miles whispered, squeezing his friend tightly.

 

During lunch breaks, a group of older boys often gathered to pitch pennies against the wall, the closest penny claiming the other pennies thrown.

It was a simple form of gambling, but entertaining and highly competitive, especially when money was hard to come by for the orphans, a discarded penny meaning more to them than to most other people.

Anyone with a coin was welcome to join in, but Alex and Miles had never played, preferring to occasionally watch on the sidelines, but this day Alex slipped a penny he had found on his latest try-out into Miles' hand, knowing how good his friend's aim was.

Miles eyes widened when he saw what Alex had given him, and he grinned as he walked to the line to join the other boys who were playing.

Noel, the ringleader of the game, scowled when Miles approached, and the anger on his face grew as the game progressed with Miles doing very well.

 

Eventually, all the boys were out of pennies except for Miles, who held a handful of coins, triumphantly.

Several players patted Miles on the back, congratulating him on a well-played game, while some boys who were watching were clapping and cheering his good fortune.

Miles glanced over at Alex and raised his cupped hands toward him, grinning, trying not to let any coins fall.

Miles was beaming.

_He's never looked happier._

Alex grinned back.

 

Noel looked around at all the praise Miles was receiving and he lashed out, angry at Miles' skills and sudden popularity.  
He walked up to Miles and pushed him hard on the chest, causing Miles to take several steps backwards to maintain his balance.

"So fuckin' what? Who cares if you won? Nobody! Nobody cares about you, Miles! That's why you keep getting returned! Nobody wants you! You're a fuckin' loser!"

Some of the older boys laughed at Noel's outburst and Miles winced, his eyes dropping to the ground as the insult hit him hard, his teeth clenching out of instinct, his hands tightening around the coins.

But, for once in his life, Miles showed great restraint when being so aggressively provoked. 

 _Just breathe, ignore him, that's it, you can do this_...

Miles wanted to be better than just some punk kid fighting over harmless words, he wanted to be more like Alex, and he wanted Alex to be proud of him.

_C'mon, you can do this...  
_

_Just breathe..._

 

Alex, on the other hand, lunged his slight body towards Noel and had his hands wrapped around the larger boy's throat before anyone realized what was happening.

The force in which Alex laid into Noel sent both lads falling to the ground with Alex landing on top of Noel, sitting on his chest, his hands tightly encircling the bully's scrawny neck as words of advice rang in his ears.

... _you need to toughen up to make it in this world, Alex, don't ever be afraid to stick up for what you believe in_...

Noel's face was flushing a strange shade of red and purple, partly due to surprise that Alex, the doe-eyed, shy boy who let people walk all over him was attached to his throat, partly because Alex's grip was murderously tight.

"Take it back, you fuckin' cunt! Take it back!"

Alex demanded and Noel thrashed beneath him, choking out his response in huffs, his hands desperately trying to pry Alex's fingers from his neck.

"You're...no better...Alex...you've been here...even longer...no one...wants...either of your...sorry asses!" Noel gasped out, struggling.

 

"What about _you_ , Noel? Huh? What about _you_? Why are you still here, Noel? What about _you?_ "

Alex was practically screaming, banging Noel's head viciously against the ground with every question he asked.

The two boys struggled as the others around them fell into chaos, most cheering on the fight, causing more boys to rush over from different parts of the courtyard to see what was happening.

Miles was frozen, hands still cupping his treasure, his eyes not believing what he was seeing.

Joshua ran up to his side and whispered hurriedly into his ear.

"Miles, you need to stop him! Some kids just ran into the building for help!"

Miles nodded and immediately let the coins spill from his hands, where they scattered across the pavement, making a familiar, coppery clatter.

Onlookers swooped in, scrambling madly for the coins that were rolling and teetering as Miles and Joshua moved into the fray, pulling Alex off Noel and into a standing position while some older boys assisted Noel.

 

Both Alex and Noel continued to curse and lunge at each other, and the only reason they weren't still physically fighting was that the other lads were holding them back.

Joshua placed his large body between the two groups, allowing Miles the opportunity to exit with Alex.

Miles pushed Alex towards an entrance on the side of the building, wanting to keep him from trouble once the teachers or staff arrived, which was sure to happen soon.

He couldn't let Alex get in trouble because of him.

Alex was still crazed, struggling and yelling at Noel, who was being led deeper into the courtyard while still hurling insults at Alex.

Miles shoved Alex through the door and down a hallway, the sounds of the courtyard instantly silencing when the heavy door sealed shut.

 

"Miles, let me go! He has no right. The arrogant cunt!"

Alex was pushing against Miles, trying to get by him and back out into the courtyard.

"Alex! _Alex!_ Shhhh...keep your voice down...calm down! It's _okay_..."

Miles grabbed Alex by the wrists and pressed them to the boy's chest, trying to pin him and stop his squirming, chuckling at Alex's unexpected outrage and his shocking choice of words.

"No, _NO_ , Miles! It's not funny! He had _no_ right. He can't say those things about you. He had no right! You _are_ wanted. Fuck that twat! _I_ want you!"

Miles froze, looking at Alex, taking in the boy's face as Alex continued struggling against him.

Alex's words drummed in his head.

 _I want you._..

Miles had never heard anyone say that to him.

Ever.

And they were coming from the only person in the world Miles cared about.

A low whimpering growl erupted from deep within Miles as he pushed Alex to the wall, crashing his lips onto Alex's, instantly muffling the boy's protests.

 

Alex yelped and stilled, shocked, his brain trying to register what was happening.

This no longer felt like struggling.

His body didn't want to fight this.

When understanding finally kicked in, Alex's eyelashes fluttered as his wide eyes slowly fell shut and he became pliant, his legs weakening as he melted into the kiss, his hands rising from where they had been grappling and pushing against Miles' chest to now grasping Miles' face.

Something weird was also happening to Alex's insides, which he tried to ignore, wanting instead to focus on the kiss, how their lips were soft and sloppy against each other, messy and awkward.

The first time for both.

Far from perfect.

One neither would ever forget.

 

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

Miles pulled away, smiling, as Alex opened his eyes slowly, mouth slightly open, his tongue licking his own lips, tasting Miles on him.

"I want you too, Alex, but I don't want you getting in trouble because of me. No fighting for me, okay? I can take care of myself."

"Yeah...yeah...okay..."

Alex was dazed, barely listening to what Miles was saying, preferring to follow Miles' lips with his eyes, hoping they would return to his for more.

_Why is Miles using his mouth to talk about fighting and getting in trouble when he could be using it to do that wonderful thing called kissing instead?_

"Come on. We need to go find our stuff and get to class before we're late..."

Miles pulled Alex back towards the courtyard.

"Right...yeah...okay..."

 

Alex remembered the sound of coins spilling across the pavement.

"All your winnings...I'm so sorry...you lost them...because of _me_..." Alex muttered.

"I won them... _because_ of you..."

Miles reached into his pocket, pulling out a penny, grinning, as he held it in front of Alex.

"Still have the one you gave me...put it in my pocket after the first win...so I wouldn't lose it...this coin showed me that you believe in me..."

Alex grabbed onto Miles' arm before they reached the door to the courtyard, stopping him, wanting to say something, _anything_ , wanting to kiss again.

" _Miles_..."

 

Miles turned to Alex and took a step towards the boy, glancing down at Alex's lips as he licked his own.

A surge of boys suddenly entered the building and Miles pulled back, grinning, and grabbed Alex by the arm, heading toward the crowd.

"C'mon..."

They made it out of the building and entered the courtyard, Miles still pulling Alex so he wouldn't get lost in the sea of kids crashing against them.

Noel and his friends were nowhere in sight.

Joshua and Richard surged by, handing them their backpacks and they all scattered, running off to their classes before the tardy bell sounded.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex and Miles never discussed the kiss.

Talking about it, or even giving it a name, might have turned the simple display of affection into something different than what they felt it was.

Had they been asked, both lads would have strongly denied that it was anything more than innocent, and was not so much sexual as it was taking comfort in each other, a way of saying, _yeah, we may not have a family, but we have each other._

Kissing was never the main focus, feeling better was.

And pressing their lips together just happened to make them feel better.

  

The boys were well-aware that they were maturing. What used to be soft and skinny was becoming harder and leaner, their voices were changing, and their bodies were growing stronger and taller, and craving more.

Becoming men was a subject Alex and Miles were quite familiar with.

In an effort to ensure a smooth transition through puberty, The London School forced all the boys to sit through a series of embarrassing lectures and films, covering every topic imaginable including the factual _Surviving Puberty in 87 Easy Steps_ , the humorous _Hey, How'd I Get So Hairy?,_ its much-anticipated sequel _Hey, How'd That Get So Big?_ , the angsty _What's Happening To Me?_ , and the helpful DIY and crowd favorite _Your Hand, Your Friend: Solving Sticky Situations_.

There was also plenty of talk among the orphans about the "real" world of sex, the information gleaned from an occasional boy who returned bragging about an adult movie he had seen, another whispering about what he had caught his prospective parents doing, and one even managing to sneak in a dirty magazine that had secretly circulated for several weeks before being confiscated.

Yes, thanks to TLSP and boy talk, Alex and Miles felt that they were _very_ worldly when it came to sex.

 

The boys became fast experts on closed-mouth kissing, their first sloppy pecks replaced with slow, lingering ones, their lips soft, moist, and full, their timid tongues slowly licking, lining, and tasting, each kiss an experiment on how best to distract the other and lift him from his malaise.

On occasion, their tongues would accidentally meet, which unsettled them both and caused them to immediately pull back, flustered, and redirect their activities to something less awkward.

They certainly never talked about it or the way it made them feel, neither wanting to even broach the subject, much less be the one to push things farther and possibly ruin their newfound closeness.

Even though their minds were successful in keeping their actions innocent and their urges at bay, their bodies betrayed them by eagerly reacting to their new level of intimacy, always rising to the occasion and leaving the lads scrambling to conceal their growing interest in order to save themselves from humiliation.

Both boys were skilled at hiding their arousal in loose pants or behind untucked shirts, so much so that the other lad was convinced that he was the only one suffering side effects, further adding to his embarrassment, guilt, and reluctance to talk about it.

If things became overly heated, the two would break away from each other and quickly call an end to the night before awkwardly rushing off to take care of their needs in privacy.

 

Miles went on another try-out for several months and Alex reluctantly fell into the routine of doing the same things in the same places, but once again having to get used to doing them alone.

One evening, Alex returned to his room to wash up before dinner and gasped when he saw the familiar TLSP try-out satchel sitting at the foot of Miles' empty bed.

_He's back!_

Alex's heart raced as he hurriedly checked the bathroom and the other bunkrooms on their floor, searching for Miles, but not finding him. He rushed to the library, the computer room, and the cafeteria, still no sign of Miles.

After visiting everywhere possible in the building, Alex decided to look in the only place left.

The roof.

 

Alex hoisted himself through the window and firmly planted his feet before turning to see Miles, sitting on the ledge, his back to Alex.

Alex's heart caught in his throat, Miles' shoulders were hunched in defeat, and he could see the sobs wracking his friend's body.

_He's crying._

Alex questioned whether he should approach or allow Miles the same privacy that Alex always demanded when he returned from particularly bad try-outs.

His heart caught again when he watched Miles shift his body closer to the edge and then lean his elbows down onto his knees, his face in his hands and his body now dangerously off-balance.

 _Go_.

 _Now_.

 

Alex moved forward until he was behind Miles, his arms gently winding around his friend and pulling him so that Miles' back was pressing against Alex's chest, away from the edge.

"You okay, Mi?"

Alex's voice was soft and Miles nodded and quickly wiped his face of tears, sniffling, trying to compose himself.

"Yeah...yeah, Al...good to be back..."

Miles' voice was strained, and he looked out over the city.

"Miles? _Hey_...are you okay?"

Alex sat on the ledge, his back to the view, one arm still crossing Miles' chest to prevent him from moving closer to the edge.

"Yeah...just needed to get myself together...before I saw you...don't want you worrying about me..."

Alex shook his head, frustrated.

"Miles, you don't always have to be the strong one...if you're in pain, you need to tell me...let me help you..."

Miles turned his body to face Alex, his face tear-stained and sad.

"I know a family isn't in the cards for me...I can't do this anymore...I'm tired of getting my hopes up...I'm sorry, Alex...I'm done..."

 

Alex pulled Miles in for a hug.

"You can't give up, Miles...you'll have nothing left..." Alex murmured into Miles' neck.

"I just don't see it...I used to...but not anymore...I'll _never_ have a family..."

Alex shook his head against Miles' face.

"We're family, Miles...you've been with me longer than anyone else...even my parents...you've always got me..."

Miles nodded and smiled, half swallowing a chuckle and a sob. Alex's hands rose to Miles' face to wipe away his tears before pulling him into a soft kiss that lingered and explored.

They broke apart, resting their foreheads together.

"Looks like I'm stuck with you...I guess you'll do..." Miles grinned and sniffled.

Alex pushed him away, feigning offense.

" _You guess I'll do?_  You _are_ stuck with me, Miles. Together we're stronger, right? Don't tell me I've been carrying this broken stone in my pocket for no reason..."

"No...no...there's a reason, Alex...it reminds me every time I need it to...that you're my family...you're all I need..."

"Good...you better not forget it... _ever_...now let's get off this ledge and go eat dinner..."

 

Noel was eventually placed, permanently.

Alex had been helping in the administrative offices and happened to notice him in the waiting room with his new family, awaiting the final paperwork.

Alex couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy, and frustration.

_How could someone like Noel get picked over Miles, or even me?_

_It wasn't fair._

Noel saw Alex glancing through the window and responded by snarling and raising his middle finger to the boy.

Alex smirked.

_Fuck you, too, Noel._

Alex watched the scene. The mother and father seemed very excited, but the boy who Alex assumed must be Noel's new brother sat in a chair with his arms folded tightly across his chest, glowering, his eyes dark, a mean scowl darkening his countenance.

Noel sat next to him, same stance, same angry and disgusted look on his face.

"That doesn't bode well for Noel..."

Miles leaned in and whispered into Alex's ear from behind, having just come from the cafeteria.

"Hope that kid gives Noel hell... _a lot of it_...he deserves it..."

Alex turned to Miles, grinning.

"C'mon, let's go. Miss Marge gave us extra croissants!"

Miles patted his pocket where the warm rolls hid, grabbed Alex's hand, and pulled him into the stairwell to sprint the many stories to the roof.

 

Before his 15th birthday, Alex had a first meeting with a very nice couple.

They were both educators, and Alex couldn't contain his excitement and interest over their chosen professions as the three of them discussed their love of reading, writing, languages, and music.

The meeting ran long as both parties were engaged so deeply in getting to know one another that they had lost track of time.

The couple seemed to adore Alex and his enthusiasm, and the three parted from the meeting with hugs and plans to meet one more time before pursuing a try-out.

Alex was thrilled and went on and on about the couple to Miles, repeating the facts he knew of them over and over again, stating with a contagious smile that getting a family in time for his birthday would be the best present ever.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and Alex's birthday came and went, with no word from the couple.

Alex was devastated, and finally gave up hope, admitting to himself that they didn't want him.

 

This rejection hit Alex particularly hard, he had been so sure of the strong connection he had felt with the couple.

"They were perfect, Mi...guess they saw something wrong with me..."

Miles moved in close to Alex, framing his face in both hands, but Alex wouldn't look up.

"Alex...look at me..."

Alex shook his head, keeping his gaze down, the silent teardrops falling from his lashes as he repeatedly blinked. Miles applied pressure, tilting the boy's face upwards.

" _Alex_..."

Alex's eyes lifted slowly, shiny with tears, dull with sorrow.

"You're perfect...it's _going_ to happen...one day...no one deserves a family more than you..."

Miles leaned in and kissed Alex, their lips softly pressing together, sending warmth and calm rushing into their bodies. Alex sighed and relaxed as his arms circled around Miles, his mind drained of everything but their lips touching and how it made him feel all swirly good.

Miles always knew how to pull Alex away from his pain.

 

Miles strolled into their English classroom and abruptly stopped, frowning when he saw Alex's chair empty.

The boy was nothing if not punctual and preferred to arrive early in order to get settled and prepared for his favorite subject.

Alex always made it to class before Miles.

Miles looked to one of the boys who had Alex in 1st period and the kid mumbled something about Alex leaving class because he became violently ill.

Miles shook his head in disbelief, Alex had been perfectly fine that morning as they got ready for school and ate breakfast.

Something was terribly wrong.

 

Miles swallowed thickly, his throat closing up, as he searched for their teacher who was monitoring the hallway.

He finally found the man and asked for permission to use the restroom. The teacher shot him a suspicious look and then told him to make it quick.

Miles bolted down the hallway towards the bathrooms and then made an abrupt turn into the stairwell, his heart beating in his head.

_Please Alex, be okay, not Alex, please..._

Miles couldn't shake the fear, or the memory, of his mother being sick and unresponsive too many times to count, leaving in an ambulance on several occasions, the paramedics telling the frightened, young boy that his mommy was very ill, and might not come home ever again.

Miles feared illness, feared doctors, feared the end result was ending up like his mum.

He flew down the flights of stairs and through a side hall before bursting into the infirmary, passing through the front office to the adjoining room that housed eight hospital beds.

All were neatly made and unused, except one.

Alex was in the last bed, eyes closed, looking even tinier and more helpless than usual.

 

_"Alex!"_

Miles whispered, and Alex's eyes shot open, startled, and he tried to smile.

"Miles, you should be in class..."

Miles looked around expecting Nurse to stop him, but no one was there, so he stepped into the room and rushed towards Alex.

"I was worried when you weren't in class...you okay?"

"Yeah...sick...you shouldn't be in here...will get it too..."

Miles' hand reached under the blanket, finding Alex's, twining their fingers together.

Alex shut his eyes and smiled weakly, trying to apply pressure into the squeeze, but he was too feeble, worrying Miles even further.

"I'm fairly certain that I've already been exposed to whatever you've got...what can I do?"

Alex struggled to open his heavy lids, finally stopping halfway.

"Nothing...Nurse gave me something...can't hold anything down...so tired...and dizzy...hurts all over..."

 

" _Miles!_ What are you doing in here?"

Miles jumped and turned to see Nurse, standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, brow furrowed at the intruder.

" _Uh_...just checking on Alex for Professor Spear... _uh_...he was wondering how Alex was... _um_...I must have dropped his note..."

Miles patted his pockets, searching for the imaginary slip of paper. Alex's eyes shone through their dullness, completely aware that Miles was lying.

"Oh, well, that's okay, tell him I'm pretty sure it's the flu and he'll be here at least a couple of days. Probably more. There's no telling how long it might take for it to run through him."

"Okay, I'll let him know. _Um_...can I get a pass back to class? It took me a while to get down here, had to stop twice, hard to catch me breath."

Nurse walked towards Miles and raised her hand to his forehead.

"I hope you're not coming down with it, too. I'm afraid this virus is going to spread quickly and I won't have enough beds."

She mumbled as she walked to her desk in the other room.

 

Miles squeezed Alex's limp hand and smiled down at the boy, who had already fallen back to sleep, resting his pale, sallow face deep into the pillow.

Miles frowned over how quickly Alex had drifted off and how lethargic he seemed, reminding him of his mother and the last time he saw her.

Nurse came back, handing Miles a note, and noticed him worrying his bottom lip with his teeth as he watched his friend sleep.

"He'll be okay, Miles, it's just the flu..."

"Okay...thank you..."

"Now get yourself back to class."

"Yes ma'am...thank you..."

Miles ran out of the room, but stopped suddenly and poked his head back through the doorway.

" _Uh_ , Nurse...would it be okay if I bring Alex the lessons he's missing?"

"Certainly, Miles, that's a wonderful idea, we don't want a bright boy like Alex falling behind in his studies."

"No, ma'am...we don't...I'll be by after my last class..."

Miles grinned as he took the stairs, two at a time.

 

After that, Miles rarely left Alex's bedside when his schedule permitted, spending his lunches, study hall, and evenings with the boy.

Nurse wanted to object at first, but it wasn't doing any harm and Miles' presence seemed to make Alex feel better during the brief times he was awake.

The first few days were horrible for Miles, he had never felt so helpless and useless.

When Alex's fever was at its highest, he whimpered and called out for his mom and dad, even mumbling parts of a lullaby that Miles assumed his mother had sung to him when he was very, very young.

Miles fought back tears as he wiped Alex's forehead and applied cool compresses, hearing the boy who couldn't even remember his parents subconsciously conjuring up an unknown memory, calling out for them, needing them.

And they weren't there.

 

Miles continued helping Nurse when the sickroom filled to capacity, just as she had predicted.

He was willing to do anything to stay near Alex, so he would lend a hand wherever Nurse needed it, mopping, changing forehead compresses, washing linens, and remaking beds. Nurse even taught him how to write the hourly temperatures and blood pressure changes in the medical folders that hung at the foot of their beds.

When Miss Marge heard Alex was sick and confined to the infirmary, she shoved extra food to Miles, who would bring in the extra biscuits and rolls, but Alex could barely lift his head, much less eat.

He insisted Miles enjoy the bonus treats, but Miles refused.

If Alex couldn't eat, he wouldn't either.

 

One evening, while her other patients were sleeping, Nurse quietly leaned in the doorway, arms crossed, and watched the two boys in the dim room.

Illuminated by a weak desk lamp, Miles was softly reading a passage from a book, and Alex would stop him occasionally and whisper questions, and they would discuss the answer, in hushed tones so as not to wake the others.

The nurse shook her head slowly, disgusted.

People were fools for not seeing what these two young boys had to offer.

 _Bloody hell_ , she'd take them both if she were younger and could afford it.

 

It took well over a week, but Alex was eventually healthy enough to leave the infirmary and Miles was there, unsurprisingly, to escort him back to his room.

Nurse caught Miles by the arm as they were leaving, and pulled him off to the side as Alex made his way to the hallway.

"You know, Miles, you came to TLSP with such a bad reputation, but you're a good, smart kid. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. You have a gift when it comes to making people feel better."

"Yes ma'am...thank you..."

Miles blushed and looked away, hearing praise from an adult was rare, making him slightly uncomfortable.

He quickly caught up to Alex, his hand naturally finding the small of the boy's back as he guided him to the stairs.

 

Months later, Alex went on a try-out and returned dejected and jumpy.

Although Miles couldn't see any visible bruising, he knew the experience hadn't been pleasant because of Alex's reluctance to talk about it.

Miles had tried gently pressing the subject and Alex had snapped at him, a rarity, making clear his complete refusal to share, so Miles had retreated, knowing that sometimes his friend needed to work through his pain and confusion on his own.

On the roof that night, they lay beside one another and Miles' hand found Alex's and held it tightly, providing silent support, waiting for Alex to open up, if he wanted to.

But Alex didn't want to talk.

He had other things on his mind.

 

Alex turned onto his side and draped himself half across Miles, one leg hiked over Miles' thigh, holding him in place as he moved his lips down for a simple kiss.

And then another.

And another.

And another.

Without warning, Alex's tongue was pushing into Miles' mouth with determination, and Miles jumped at the initial shock of something soft and wet, urgent and hungry, invading his mouth. Soon, his own tongue was reacting, greeting Alex's with every dedicated thrust and swipe.

Both boys moaned as they felt a thrill shoot through them as they savored their first full tastes of each other.

Alex whimpered and his body started moving of its own accord, against Miles, the boy not even realizing he was grinding into his friend, so lost was he in the new feeling of their tongues finally meeting.

Alex needed this, to touch and feel Miles, to absorb his heat and smell his scent, to reaffirm that they shared an unbreakable bond.

Alex needed reassurance, needed to connect again, needed Miles.

And Miles was glad to help.

 

Miles let it continue, it felt so good, and so right, and he was happy to provide Alex with some form of comfort, even if it were simply being something Alex's body could mindlessly move against.

They finally broke away for air and Miles cursed silently to himself when Alex quickly resumed burying his tongue deep in Miles' mouth.

_Fuck! I need to stop this._

They had successfully avoided rutting and tonguing for so long, and they should stop before this went further, but Miles found that he couldn't end it, he was enjoying it too much, the way their tongues were falling into a slow, hypnotic rhythm.

Miles became annoyingly distracted by a fierce debate playing in his head. If he shifted himself to the right, Alex's body would be farther from Miles' cock, which had readily thickened and moved in earnest behind his trousers. If he shifted a few inches to the left, their cocks would be pressing against each other and they would both be, no doubt, in heaven.

And Miles' body was definitely up for that.

 _Left...left...left.._.

Miles groaned and moved to the right, giving his aching and disappointed cock way too much room, away from the action.

Not that Alex would have noticed.

He was in his own world, his tongue tasting every bit of Miles' mouth, making needy, little noises and moans while he did so, his hand caressing Miles' cheek, his jaw, his hair, while his cock tried to bore a hole into Miles' hip.

 

They continued kissing, and Alex became more aggressive, his hands pulling and tugging Miles' hair, his body squirming into Miles, his mewling growing more petulant and needy.

Miles' will was weakening and he was having difficulty suppressing the urge to flip Alex over and grind him through the asphalt roof. He gathered all the strength he had remaining and pushed Alex away gently, gasping.

" _Alex_...stop..."

Alex groaned, tasting Miles deeply once more as he mindlessly gave his hip a few more deep ruts before rolling away onto his back, sighing heavily, his trembling hand coming up to card through his messy hair.

They lay there quietly, the only sound their heavy breathing.

"We're _never_ getting out of here..." Alex whispered, despondent.

"Sure we will..." Miles tried to sound upbeat while he shifted, secretly adjusting his cock for some relief.

 

Alex sat up, and lifted himself onto Miles, straddling him, looking down.

Miles froze.

_This was new._

" _No Mi_...we're _not_...we're going to be here until we're too old to stay...and then they'll kick us out..."

"You don't know that, Alex..."

"I _do_ know that, Mi...promise me...when we leave, we'll stay together...I _need_ you..."

He leaned down and kissed Miles, while Miles' hands held onto Alex's hips to keep the boy from rubbing against his cock, hoping that maybe Alex hadn't noticed it.

Alex leaned in and pressed a line of soft, light kisses from the corner of Miles' mouth across his cheek to his ear.

_This was new, too._

Miles bit back a moan as Alex's tongue played with his earlobe, flicking it back and forth before clamping gently down with his teeth, and sucking it into his lush mouth with a slurp.

_Jesus...new was good._

" _Uh_...sure, Al...we'll get jobs...and a flat together...no more bloody try-outs..."

Alex nodded and smiled, satisfied with Miles' answer, and kissed him again, pressing himself down into Miles', letting Miles know that he was fully aware of his cock wedged hard and demanding between them.

_Fuck!_

_What's gotten into him?_

Miles gasped and moaned, his hands tightening their grip on Alex, trying his best to keep the boy still.

 

"Our flat _has_ to have a roof...just like _this_..." Alex demanded, peppering Miles' face with firm, little kisses.

"Yeah... _yeah...God!._..that would be perfect..." Miles gazed at the boy above him.

_Not as perfect as you, Alex..._

Miles released his grip and grabbed Alex from behind the neck, pulling him down and into a smothering kiss. Alex began grinding roughly, causing them both to moan into the other's open mouth, the drag of their cocks together feeling amazing, even through too many layers of clothing.

 _Bloody hell! He's going be the death of me_...

"Thank you, Mi...I love you..." Alex gasped.

"Love you, too, Al..."

They kissed and moved into each other for a few more minutes until Miles gently pushed Alex away again.

_I have to stop this._

"C'mon...time to get back..."


	7. Chapter 7

He should have watched him more carefully.

Alex had returned from another try-out despondent, his eyes dull and vacant, visible bruises lining his arms and neck.

_His fuckin' neck._

Miles had tried to get him to talk, gently coaxing the boy while he comforted him, wanting to draw out the pain, but Alex would pull back, either changing the subject or simply walking away.

He should have kept a closer eye on him.

" _Alex?_ "

Alex glanced over his shoulder to look at Miles before he responded softly.

"Go away, Miles... _please_...I want to be alone..."

"No, Alex...you can't shut me out...like you _always_ do...we need to talk about it...what happened to you...you can't fix this on your own...not this time..."

Alex fidgeted, visibly agitated, and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"No, Mi...it's over...it's going to stop...I'm finally getting what I want...I'm going to be happy now...not gonna hurt anymore..." Alex stood slowly, turning to face Miles with a look of sad happiness on his face.

"No... _please_...c'mon...talk to me...I love you, Alex...I can't do this alone..."

"Yes, you can...you're the strongest person I know, Miles...you're going to be fine..." Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out his stone, smiling as he looked at it sitting in his palm. "I don't need this...it can't help me anymore...my family will help me now...I love you, Miles...always will..."

Alex tossed the rock to Miles and Miles stepped forward to catch it before looking up to see Alex allowing his body to fall over the ledge _._

_"Nooo!"_

Miles jolted upright, his body shaking, a sheen of cool sweat glossing his skin. He looked around the dark room, sure that everyone could hear the wild, erratic beating of his heart, sure that his shouting had woken them.

Thankfully, his roommates slept on.

Miles rubbed his face and tried to catch his breath and steady his pulse before crawling into Alex's bed, easily slotting his shivering body behind the boy as though he belonged there. Alex shifted at the movement and then grabbed Miles' arm, pulling it tightly around him, his warmth instantly soothing Miles as he burrowed his face into the side of Alex's neck.

"You okay?" Alex murmured.

"Yeah...bad dream..."

"You're shaking..." Alex pulled Miles' arm closer to his body. "Stay...until morning..."

"Okay...Alex?"

" _Hmm?_ "

"We need to leave here...together... _soon_...before you go on any more try-outs..."

Alex hummed, nodding his head, and held Miles' arm tighter.

"Okay, Mi...let's talk...tomorrow..."

"Yeah...okay..."

Having never fully wakened, Alex easily drifted back to sleep, but Miles remained alert, the horror of the dream playing repeatedly through his mind.

_I'll never let that happen._

_Not to Alex._

In the morning, talk of leaving was all but forgotten as they went about their busy days, but Miles began plotting ways to keep the nightmare from ever becoming a reality, and it meant taking Alex far away from there, to somewhere safe, somewhere with Miles.

 

Alex rested his head on Miles' shoulder and soon fell asleep to the continuous whirring of the van's engine and the heavy blanket of darkness that covered them.

It had been a great day.

Once a year, twenty upperclassmen were treated to a field trip chaperoned by Professor Spear, the head of the English and Literature department. Boys were chosen based on their grades and the outings included London and its outlying areas with its myriad museums, historic sites, and places of interest.

This was the first year Alex and Miles were eligible to go and they were easily picked because of their high marks.

The group started out early, loading into two shuttles right after dawn in order to be at the museum right as it opened. The orphans were excited and alert despite the early hour, their only experiences beyond TLSP were try-outs, so they were eager to get a rare glimpse of anything outside of the school.

 

The first stop was the Tate Gallery.

After directing their attention to several paintings depicting historical scenes they had studied, Professor Spear allowed the boys to explore on their own. Alex and Miles took off away from the others, marveling at the paintings and stopping occasionally to dwell on pieces they found interesting.

One in particular, _Ophelia_ by Millais, had the boys disagreeing over the alluring depiction of Shakespeare's doomed maiden. 

Miles gasped at the painting upon first seeing it and pushed to move on quickly, hating the vacancy in the dead girl's eyes and the gape of her mouth as her body floated on the water, the nightmare about Alex barreling back into his mind.

But Alex wanted to linger.

After studying it further, Alex announced that he loved the piece and saw nothing but tranquility, beauty, and calmness and felt that the woman had eluded her demons and was finally at peace with her tormented mind. Miles muttered that he only saw sadness, misery, and despair when looking at the beautiful young girl who had taken her own life, wasting such promise and opportunity.

Alex giggled and teased Miles, encouraging him to lighten up and be less negative, and then he pushed Miles into a quiet alcove and looked both ways before giving him a quick kiss.

Miles fought back the urge to grab Alex and kiss him properly against the wall, and instead he chuckled weakly at Alex's chiding as they moved on to the next hall of paintings.

 

After a full morning at the museum, the group picked up brown bag lunches at a local shop before Professor Spear gave the boys a few coins each and let them loose in Hyde Park, reminding them of the hour to report back to the vans.

One boy had brought a football and they all joined in for a quick match before going their separate ways, buying drinks at a local stand and then seeking out somewhere shady to eat their lunches.

Miles and Alex walked along the enormous lake central to the park, past children feeding ducks, people boating, and families having picnics before they settled on some large trees set back from the main trail. It was dark and cool sitting under the enormous trees, their backs gratefully leaning against a massive trunk while they unwrapped their sandwiches and opened their crisp packets.

They ate quietly for awhile before Alex spoke.

"Why, Mi?"

Miles took a bite of his sandwich and turned to Alex, swallowing it completely before responding.

"Why, what?"

"Why do you think I never get picked?" Alex spoke softly as he kept his eyes on a squirrel that was bravely approaching them, hoping for a handout.

" _God_ , I don't know, Alex...wish I knew..."

Miles' eyes fell on the squirrel as it stopped its forward movement and swished its tail, trying to decide whether to continue its course.

 

"Do you think...I mean...can you see...is there...is there something about me...something that makes people hate me...and want to...to hurt me? _Please_...Miles...tell me the truth...I need to know...so I can change..." Alex's voice was barely above a whisper.

Miles' heart dropped when he looked at Alex, the boy's eyes wide, sincerely asking a question no one should ever ask about themselves. Memories of the horrible dream came flooding back again.

" _Oh, God!_ Alex...no...it's not you..."

Miles pulled him into a tight hug, holding him as the boy burrowed his face against Miles' chest. After a few quiet moments, they pulled away from one another.

"I'm not sad, Miles...not gonna cry...I just wanna know...if there's something about me...or something I do...that causes it..."

"No, Alex...there's nothing you do...it _shouldn't_ happen...should _never_ be allowed to happen...you are perfect...everyone else is fucked up... _everyone_..." Miles did his best to keep his voice steady and his anger buried, but it was difficult when seeing the toll the try-outs had taken on Alex's self-esteem.

 

They sat quietly, as they continued eating their lunches.

Alex threw a small piece of bread to the squirrel, and it happily grabbed it and stood up on its hind legs to nibble away at the morsel. They both appeared to be studying the animal, but were instead deep in their own thoughts.

Miles released a heavy sigh.

"Alex, I need to tell you something...been thinking about it for awhile...I'm leaving..."

" _What?_ "

Alex's eyes widened, confused and frightened, as they locked onto Miles.

"I'm running away...I'll find a flat to share...I'll get a job..."

" _Miles!_ You can't be serious! You need to finish your studies...your education...the school is giving you a great chance..."

Miles seethed at Alex's unwavering and blind devotion to the school, even after all the pain and frustration it had exposed them both to.

"I don't give a _fuck_ what the school is doing for me! Look what it's doing to _you_ , Alex! How can you defend that bloody place after everything you've been through?"

Alex flinched at Miles' raised voice and the squirrel startled and tore up a nearby tree.

Miles immediately pushed down his anger.

 

"I'm sorry for yelling, Alex...I just...I get _so_ angry about it sometimes..."

Alex shook his head as he looked down, picking at some blades of grass.

"Miles...you don't even know if you'll find a place to live...you...you could be _homeless_!" His voice lifted as he started to panic and fidget as crazy thoughts started running through his head, thoughts of Miles sleeping on the streets, under newspapers, trying to keep warm.

Miles grabbed Alex's hands to settle him, to ground the both of them.

"There are shelters I can go to until I find one...I'll finally be free...and happy..."

Alex looked up at Miles, their eyes meeting.

"What about _me_ , Miles? Is it that easy to leave me? What about _mates_ _forever?_ I...I can't do this alone...not without you..."

 

Miles shifted closer to Alex, his hands rising to cup the boy's face.

"Come with me, Alex...it'll be just like we talked about...we'll have jobs...and a place of our own...with a rooftop...I'll be there for you...be there for me...no more bloody try-outs...no more pain..."

Alex shook his head and pulled his face away from Miles' hands, needing to digest everything, knowing it was too easy to be persuaded when in Miles' soft, warm clutches.

"I...I don't know, Miles...what you're planning...it's serious...it's not easy to get jobs...and with our ages and dropping out of school, it'll be even harder...if...if not impossible..."

Miles stroked Alex's cheek and leaned in for a soft kiss.

"But we'd be _together_...and that's all that matters..."

They kissed again, Alex grabbing onto Miles' shirt roughly, as though afraid to let him go, before finally pulling away.

"I...I don't know, Miles...let me...it's a lot...I...I need time to think about it..."

Miles nodded and sat back against the tree.

They ate the rest of their lunches in silence.

 

The field trip ended with a quick bite to eat before attending a comedic rendition of a Greek tragedy put on by a small, lesser-known theatre.

The heaviness of their lunchtime conversation soon lifted and their hands found one another and clasped in the dark, Alex holding Miles' hand tightly against his thigh during the first half of the play, not wanting to let him go.

During intermission, the two excused themselves to the restrooms and quickly ducked into a stall, kissing madly, their emotions high again, giggling.

" _God!_ Every day could be like this, Alex...if we left... _together_..."

Alex shook his head, reminding Miles of the consequences of his lofty plan.

"We couldn't do any of this without money, Miles...or jobs...and can't get good jobs without an education..."

"But we'd still be together..."

Alex nodded as Miles crashed his mouth onto Alex's. Alex couldn't argue against the appeal of that, and he liked the sound of it far too much. They returned to watch the remainder of the play, and then the group of lads piled into the waiting vehicles, exhausted after their big day away from the school.

 

The whirring of the van's engine, the darkness, and the full day quickly lulled everyone to sleep, and Miles was very close to joining them, his eyes tired and weighted.

Alex raised his head slightly from where it lay on Miles' shoulder.

" _Miles?_ " He whispered into the blackness.

"Yeah?"

"Let's do it...let's run away..."

Alex's lips searched for Miles and he squeezed Miles' thigh before laying his head again on his shoulder, soon fading back to sleep.

Miles smiled and rested his head atop Alex's, allowing himself to drift into that soothing heaviness that only exhaustion and happiness provided.

It had been a great day.

 

Miles was planning something special for Alex's 16th birthday.

They had decided to run away on Visitors Day the following month, when the school opened its doors to special guests, donors, and potential parents. The school wouldn't follow its normal schedule that day, and there would be so much commotion with various groups entering and leaving the building that Miles and Alex would be able to easily slip out unnoticed and get a good head start before anyone realized they were gone.

It was the perfect day for their escape.

With running away temporarily on hold, Miles put all of his focus on Alex and his big day, even recruiting Miss Marge to help in the celebration by baking a special batch of his favorite, cinnamon rolls.

 

Miles had struggled for weeks, but finally made a birthday card he felt was worthy of Alex, complete with a poem.

Ok, a few lines of poetry.

Well, maybe one sentence that could _vaguely_ be interpreted as poetic simply because it rhymed.

Sort of.

Miles had never gotten the hang of poetry and regarded it with mild disdain as he constantly tried to make sense of it. He never understood how one poem, or even one line of poetry, could be open to multiple interpretations. He felt the poet just needed to say what he meant and not hide behind allegory, similes, metaphors, and the like.

Miles was more literal, a don't-call-it-a-propeller-if-it's-not-a-bloody-propeller kind of guy. Figurative language was lost on him, and he and Alex struggled with being civil to one another as Alex helped him trudge through every poetry assignment.

So, for his special birthday, Miles wanted to write something to show Alex how much he really appreciated him.

 

It took over a week to get a sentence onto paper that Miles was happy with, one that was succinct, with no other images floating by to change its meaning.

He looked down at the words.

 _When I'm falling apart and I'm lost in a world on my own,  
I know that there's a place in your heart that I can call home.  
Happy Birthday, Alex! _ _Love, Miles_

Miles' face flushed and he contemplated tossing the card in the trash.

_God! Can I be any more pathetic?_

Miles read the sentence again before shutting the card and tucking it safely away in his bag.

_This is for Alex, not me._

_He's gonna love it._

Miles grinned, the poem wasn't the only surprise Miles had lined up for Alex. Tomorrow was his big day and Miles was excited, eager to get Alex's birthday off to a good start.

Tonight.

 

Alex awoke to Miles' scent and the feel of warm kisses being nuzzled into his neck.

_Oh yeah, keep going, Mi, this is the best dream ever..._

The kisses moved from Alex's ear to his jaw, and then back to his neck. Alex couldn't help but let out a moan, which was immediately muffled by a hand.

_A very real hand._

Alex jolted and tried to sit up when he realized he wasn't dreaming, Miles stopped him and pushed him gently down again, whispering.

" _Shhh_...Alex...just lie back...and relax..."

Alex nodded in the darkness, his hands finding Miles' face first, and then his head, his fingers lacing softly into Miles' shaggy hair.

_Yeah, definitely real life._

 

Miles continued peppering Alex's neck with kisses, moving again to his jaw before their mouths met with a deep kiss, the kind Alex was quite fond of.

Miles shifted completely on top of Alex.

The weight felt good.

"Just needed to be with you..." Miles whispered in a deep voice and Alex nodded, slightly freaking out that this was no longer just a really good dream.

_Whatever this is, I wholeheartedly approve. And what's with Miles' voice? It's different, so deep and husky._

Miles settled onto one side and hitched up Alex's shirt, placing kisses over his torso before reaching a nipple, which he covered with his warm, wet tongue. Alex flinched wildly at the sudden sensation.

They had definitely never done this, had never gone farther than grinding, and had always stopped. They had never done anything while lying in a bed and had never let their hands delve beneath clothing.

Miles' hand felt nice, really nice, on his belly, and his skin.

Alex let out a moan, prompting Miles' hand to smash back down on his mouth.

"Alex...I _mean_ it...you need to be absolutely quiet..." Miles huffed sternly into Alex's ear.

Alex nodded.

It was hard to remain silent with Miles kissing him and putting his hands and tongue everywhere, because it was _Miles_ after all, and he was kissing, _all over_ , and Alex decided he would gladly give up sleeping ever again if they could do this instead.

 

Miles shifted back on top of the boy, and Alex felt his face flush with embarrassment, knowing that Miles was feeling the same thing he was, their stiffening cocks rubbing into one other.

Miles leaned in close to Alex's ear and pushed his cock down hard into Alex, letting Alex know he had no qualms about the state of their arousal tonight, its present condition preferred.

Alex whined, very lightly.

"Now...are you going to be good for me...and not make any more noise?"

Alex quieted, nodding frantically.

"Good..."

 

Miles shifted again so that he was kneeling beside Alex, and his hand casually glanced over Alex's cock, causing the boy to buck up and make a noise which he quickly stifled, remembering Miles' warning.

_Jesus! Did he just go there? With his hand?_

Miles paused, making sure Alex had himself under control before continuing. He wisely gathered a fistful of sheet and jammed it into Alex's mouth when it opened in response to Miles reaching into Alex's pajama pants and placing his hand on Alex's cock. Alex clamped down hard on the sheet, grateful it was there, helping him remain quiet, tears springing to his eyes from the strenuous effort.

Miles moved to Alex's ear again, smirking at the moonlit vision of Alex with a sheet stuffed in his mouth and tears pooling in his wide eyes.

"One day...very soon...we'll be far away from here...and you can make all the noise you want, okay, love?"

Alex nodded, his heart pounding, everything focused on Miles' hand, which was still on his cock.

_Jesus Christ! This is too much, too good, maybe it is a dream._

 

"Good boy...now you aren't going to make another noise...no matter what I do...got it?"

Miles kept his voice so low it was almost as if Alex were reading his mind instead of hearing his words as they were breathed into Alex's ear. Alex nodded slowly, biting down and blinking, prompting more tears to spill.

_Surely he's done, isn't planning to do anything more, truly, this is enough, I'm not greedy, just keep your amazing hand right there, Miles..._

Miles rose on his knees and moved downward, jerking Alex's pajama pants down just past the curve of his ass so they rested on his upper thighs, low enough to expose Alex completely. Alex quietly shook his head back and forth and his body spasmed, wanting to move.

But Miles held him still.

He stroked Alex's cock a few times, sweeping his thumb over the head, swirling the eager slick that had quickly gathered there. Alex bucked and bit hard on the sheet, quickly shutting down his enthusiastic approval.

Miles grinned.

The boy was learning.

 

A few more strokes had Alex close to the edge, ready for release.

He knew he wasn't going to be able to last long, not when the subject of nearly every wet dream he'd ever had was actually coming to life right in front of him. Miles settled himself between Alex's legs, while the boy lifted his head to watch in disbelief in the sparse, dim moonlight.

Miles was nervous as he concentrated, wanting to make sure everything was perfect for Alex, and the only way he knew how to do that was by doing the very things he imagined he would like Alex doing to him. And from the looks and sounds coming from Alex so far, Miles was getting it right.

Miles gently rubbed his own cock into the mattress, excited by the sounds Alex was suppressing, getting pleasure from Alex's pleasure. He then took a deep breath, flattened his tongue, and licked a thick, wet strip up the underside of Alex's cock before taking the tight tip into his mouth, getting his first taste of the slick that had pooled there. Alex threw his head back onto his pillow, groaning into the material in his mouth, his stomach spasming, his body jerking.

_Bloody hell, he did it, I'm in his mouth, I'm in his beautiful fuckin' mouth and it feels so wet, and warm, and..._

Miles experimented, allowing Alex's cock to slide farther into his mouth before he applied light sucking. Alex went out of his mind, head thrashing back and forth, biting down, fistfuls of sheets trapped in both hands.

_Jesus Christ, I'm gonna come, right now, this is too much..._

Alex lifted his head and tried to watch.

 _God_ , how he wanted to watch!

But his eyes keep squeezing shut as the sensations, urges, and emotions raced through his body, which was struggling to buck in response, only to be denied by Miles' strong hands which were positioned on Alex's hips, firmly holding him down.

Miles moaned around Alex's cock and shifted his body so he could rub his hardness against Alex's leg.

 _Shit, Miles, shit, shit, shit_...

 

Miles broke away, causing Alex to whimper, and traveled up to Alex, his voice hot in the boy's ear.

"You're being so good for me..."

Alex made a muffled sound, nodding, his mouth full and his hands still grasping sheets.

Miles ventured back down and took Alex in even deeper, letting the head of the boy's cock skim the back of his throat. Alex felt the jolt of it shoot all the way to his toes, and he ground his teeth against the linen to hold back the sounds he desperately wanted to make.

He could feel his whole body trembling with the strain of staying quiet and still, the coil in his belly tightening with every sweep of Miles' tongue. Miles moaned, creating a whole new sensation down there, and that caused the swirling to wind tighter and tighter until it sprang free, pleasure now roaring and moving through him at will, making its own way, now uncontrollable, now unstoppable.

Alex keened out a desperate moan that was muffled nearly completely by the sheet occupying his mouth.

This was it.

 

Alex shot up and tried to yank Miles' head away by gripping his hair and pulling, but Miles stayed on his cock until Alex was choking on the sheet, convulsing, and coming hard into Miles' mouth.

Miles swallowed it down, noting the unfamiliar feeling and taste, and with several jerky thrusts against Alex, he soon had to bury his face deep into the mattress to moan as his body hitched with pleasure and shook with the force of his own orgasm.

Alex fell back heavily on the bed.

Miles recovered and, smiling, silently licked Alex clean, feeling the boy still spasming. Alex was panting, his breathing shaky and ragged, body sweaty, mouth still biting down on the sheet, afraid he would still make a noise.

Miles moved up, kissing Alex's nipple before pulling the sheet from his mouth, and their lips met in a slow kiss, almost chaste considering what had just occurred. Alex softly parted his lips, inviting Miles in, their tongues meeting, and Alex realized he was licking the taste of himself from Miles' mouth.

Alex whimpered, very lightly.

"Happy Birthday, Al...this is the year we'll finally be free of this place...I love you..." Miles gave him one more quick kiss, and then quickly ran off to the bathroom to clean himself up.

 

Alex lay there, his brain and body numb, nodding in the darkness, agreeing, with nobody really, just nodding and agreeing, trying to process what had just happened, praying it wasn't just the greatest dream he'd ever had.

Miles slid back into the bed, nosing his face into Alex's neck.

" _Best. Birthday. Ever._ I love you, Mi..." Alex murmured and Miles grinned, extremely pleased with the outcome of his surprise.

They snuggled silently, not needing words, both sleepy and sated, finally dozing until the night's darkness lifted, signaling morning's arrival and Miles' departure to his own bed.

 

The next day, Alex turned sixteen and was both confused and shocked to find himself being called to the Headmaster's office where he was abruptly sent off from The London School for Placement, again.

This time, however, Alex never returned.


	8. Chapter 8

An outsider would have been surprised to learn that the huge smile plastered across Alex's face wasn't due to excitement over his special day.

It appeared as a soft grin the moment Alex woke up and lazily stretched his body out, and it strengthened into a full-fledged smile as he and Miles exchanged knowing looks while they quickly dressed and prepared for the day.

Joshua and Richard both wished Alex a happy birthday before heading off to breakfast and Alex seized the opportunity to corner Miles in the bathroom, blocking the entrance and moving in for a tight hug, his forehead resting on Miles' collarbone.

" _God_ , Miles! I'll never have another birthday that can compare to this one..."

"It's simply a sign of things to come...our future..." Miles grinned, pushing Alex up against the sink and nuzzling his nose into Alex's neck, one hand roaming up to tweak Alex's nipple through his shirt. Alex squirmed and giggled, his arms falling gently over Miles' shoulders, his fingers lacing behind the boy's head before pulling him in for a soft kiss.

"I can't wait, Mi..."

Miles returned the kiss, smiling into it.

"Neither can I..."

 

Alex was in class, diligently taking notes, when a call came in requesting he report promptly to the Headmaster's office with all of his belongings.

Alex stood quickly, alarmed, and began shoving his books into his backpack, his trembling fingers fumbling and dropping his pen as questions ran rampantly through his mind.

_Am I in trouble?_

_Did they find out about the roof?_

_Did they find out about our plans to run away?_

_Oh God! Did they find out about last night?_

Alex's imagination ran wild, his nerves fraying and his anxiety amping up several notches as he hurried down the many flights of stairs.

 

The secretary led him into the inner office, instructing him to have a seat where he spent the next twenty minutes alone, nervously looking around for clues about why he'd been summoned.

Something was definitely wrong. Alex leaned forward to look into the secretary's office and watched as people hurried in and out, handing her papers before rushing off again. Even Nurse popped in and smiled sadly in his direction as she dropped off a folder.

_What's going on?_

Alex chewed on a hangnail and one leg started bouncing up and down rapidly while he looked around the room again, desperate for any indication as to why he was there.

His eyes fell on a side table that held a familiar TLSP satchel, the school's parting gift on try-outs.

Alex's hand fell from his mouth and his leg stilled.

_Why didn't I see that before?_

He sat up straight, a huge pit forming in his stomach, his fingers digging painfully into the wooden armrests of the chair.

_No._

_Not another unplanned one._

Alex thought back to the last try-out he had experienced without a first meeting and he shuddered, feeling the couple's fists hitting him and their verbal abuse skewing his perception as though it were yesterday.

_Not again, please, not again._

 

There was a commotion and talking as the Headmaster rounded the corner and entered his office, followed closely behind by others.

Alex's heart jolted and he gasped in disbelief when he looked up and saw them.

_No._

He stood quickly, nearly knocking his chair over, his shaking hands finding the table for support.

The couple Alex had met over a year ago, the ones he had gotten on so well with and had been so excited about, were now standing in the doorway, their eyes apologetic and pleading, small, sad smiles on their faces, their brows knotted in worry.

Relief flooded over Alex in waves, instantly dizzying him, and he suddenly felt the need to sit down to steady himself, but he remained frozen, eyes on them.

"Alex, you remember the Turners..." The Headmaster motioned for Alex to do something, to move, to talk, _anything_ , before rolling his eyes and excusing himself from the office.

 

Penny, the woman, approached Alex slowly, tears in her eyes and her arms outstretched, a tangible air of warmth and comfort surging ahead of her as she moved toward him, asking silent permission to hug him. Alex nodded and melted into her embrace, breathing in her soothing scent, a wonderful mixture of vanilla, oranges, and gardens.

She smelled like home.

"We're so, so sorry, Alex. _Please_ forgive us."

"I...I don't understand. What...what's happening? Why are you here?" Alex's eyes darted back and forth between her and David, her husband.

"Oh, my dear boy, we came for _you_ , if you'll have us. God knows this isn't how we planned it, nor how we wanted it to happen, but we're grateful to be given this second chance. We want you to be a part of our family."

Alex, still in her arms, looked again to David, who spoke while wringing his hands in worry, nodding, tears in his eyes.

"Please say you'll come with us, son. We'd be so proud and honored to call you our own."

Alex searched their eyes and everything felt right, like he had known these people forever, like everything that had happened in his life to this point was leading him to this exact moment. A flood of blood rushed to his heart and he felt oddly at ease as complete peace fell over him.

_So, this is how it feels, to be truly wanted, and loved._

 

"Yes... _YES!_ Of course!...I just...I don't understand. Why...why now? What happened? What...what changed?"

Penny's hand rose to Alex's cheek and she gently stroked it, smiling, a tear of happiness running down her face.

"We'll fill you in on everything, but first we need to catch the next train out, we can't miss it, so we haven't much time..."

"But...but I need time...to get my things...to...to say goodbye..." Alex, momentarily caught up in the excitement of being adopted, pulled away from her as panic began to rise in his chest.

_Miles. I need to see Miles._

The Headmaster rushed back in.

"Afraid there won't be time for that, Alex, I've had someone pack your things. Now, you mustn't keep your parents waiting, they have a taxi at the curb. Congratulations and good luck."

The Headmaster pushed a duffle bag into Alex's surprised arms and then handed David the final paperwork, shook their hands, and steered them through the building towards the waiting cab. Alex slowed as they passed through the doors, hesitating, trying to think of a reason to go back inside, wanting, no _needing_ , to find Miles.

Everything was happening so fast.

_I can't leave without seeing Miles._

"Hurry along, now. Time is money, Alex. Off you go..."

Alex felt sick as the Headmaster briskly closed the car door behind him, leaving Alex to glance through the window at the building, one last time, up towards the classroom windows.

_Miles..._

 

Richard, who was working as an office runner, slipped Miles a note as he delivered papers to Miles' instructor.

_~ Alex is being adopted! He's leaving right now! ~_

Miles looked up at Richard, who nodded solemnly in confirmation, before he jumped up, his heart racing, his textbook falling loudly to the floor.

"Sit down, Miles! _Stop!_ You don't have permission to leave! _Miles!_ " The teacher's voice chased Miles as he rushed out of the classroom and raced down the many flights of stairs, his sight blurring, his head pounding.

_No._

_It must be a mistake._

_Alex wouldn't leave without saying goodbye._

_Not now, not when we have plans to leave here and finally be happy._

_We're leaving, together, next month._

_No._

 

Miles ran through the administrative offices, drawing the attention of the surprised staff, as he looked frantically for Alex.

His eyes spotted a taxi on the curb outside and he burst out of the building's front doors, sprinting down the many steps, passing by the Headmaster, only to reach the car as it quickly pulled away into traffic.

" _Alex!_ " A sob choked his throat.

_Please don't go, I love you so._

Alex heard the cry and turned in the backseat, immediately making eye contact with Miles, maintaining it as the distance between them grew. Alex raised his hand slowly, holding it steady, tears in his eyes, saying goodbye. Miles returned the gesture, his arm raised until the taxi disappeared into the city, as he desperately tried to ignore the fact that he could no longer breathe.

The Headmaster grabbed Miles roughly by the arm and led him back into the building, and Miles couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that he would never see Alex again.

 

Miles went through the rest of the day dazed and numb, returning to his room when classes were over.

Joshua and Richard came in after dinner, bringing him some food and trying to brighten his spirits, but Miles just wanted to be left alone.

"At least Alex finally got his forever family...he looked really happy with those people...they were hugging...and smiling...you should be happy for him, Miles..."

"Isn't that what we _all_ want...to be chosen...and to be happy?"

"Yeah...that's all any of us wants...to be happy..." Miles nodded and smiled softly at his bunkmates. They didn't know that he and Alex had already chosen to be happy, and that they were going to do it together.

Later, while the boys slept, Miles pulled out the bag of cinnamon rolls. He had planned to present them and the card he had made for Alex on the roof that very night before singing Happy Birthday.

The strong buttery and cinnamon smell was starting to make Miles sick, and he finally brought himself to walk into the bathroom and throw the rolls into the trash.

He held onto the card a bit longer, until the following month when Visitors Day came and went, and then he tore it up and threw it away that night, sobbing quietly into his pillow until he fell asleep.

 

Alex was told everything on the train ride to his new home.

Soon after marrying, Penny and David had learned that they were unable to have children of their own, so they saved everything extra they earned and lived frugally for many years in the hopes that, one day, they would have enough money to find their son at The London School.

Alex's portfolio had been the first one they looked at and they were instantly drawn to the photo of him, his heavily-lidded and kind eyes pulling them in, making them need to know more about the boy. And then they met Alex at their first meeting and everything fell into place and seemed right, and they took it as a sign that they were meant to be together, as a family.

Unfortunately, right after meeting Alex, a close family member fell very ill and their nest egg was needed to pay for her costly medical treatments.

They were heartbroken that they would be unable to use it for Alex.

 

About a year later, The London School contacted the Turners and offered Alex at an extremely reduced rate.

The school knew Alex was a problematic adoptee, had been returned far too many times and was unlikely to ever be adopted, so they saw it as an opportunity to rid themselves of a child who dragged their success rate down due to his past failed placements and his age.

They made the offer to the couple, feeling it was a win-win situation for everyone involved, the school would tout another successful adoption, the Turners would get their son, and Alex would get his family.

At first, Penny and David were appalled that The London School was basically putting one of their orphans on sale, but then they remembered Alex and his exuberance for life and his gentle laugh, hopeful smile, and eager eyes.

They knew that they had to have him in their lives, to give him the love, the home, and the life he deserved.

The couple immediately made plans to travel to London to get Alex, their son.

 

Alex stared out the window of the train as the countryside rolled by, thinking only about Miles.

Penny watched him for a few minutes, knowing he was upset over being whisked away so quickly. He seemed to have some unfinished business, and she couldn't help but feel that she and her husband were responsible, once again, for bringing disappointment into his life.

She gently rested her hand on his arm, pulling him from his thoughts.

"What can we do? To make it better?"

"I...I have a friend...and...and I needed to see him...to let him know I was leaving...to...to say goodbye..."

"Alex, dear, I _promise_ , as soon as we get home, we'll send off a letter to your friend, explaining everything, okay?" She looked at Alex, hopeful that he would be happy with her solution.

Alex gave her a gentle smile.

" _Yeah_...that would be great...thank you..."

"No need to thank us...we're the ones who put you in this position, and we'll help make it right. David, hand me my journal, won't you?"

David reached into a travel bag and fished out the leather notebook, handing it to Penny, where she flipped it open to a fresh page and handed it to Alex.

"Here, dear, why don't you start writing that letter now? What's your friend's name?"

Alex gladly accepted the journal, sliding the pen from its holder, feeling better, already composing in his head what he wanted to write.

" _Miles_...it's Miles..."

" _Miles_...what a lovely name...must be a wonderful boy if he's your closest friend..."

Alex smiled and nodded.

" _Yeah...yeah_...he really is..."

 

The letter to Miles was mailed as soon as they stepped off the train and several days later, Alex was attending his new school for the first time.

He'd been struggling with the combination on his locker and couldn't help but grin, pleased with himself, when the latch finally clicked and the door swung open. His happiness was soon squashed when someone thrust their hand against the door, slamming it shut again.

"What are you doing in _my_ locker?" A voice snarled.

Alex flinched and turned to look at the boy who was standing with two others, all three very big, and very muscular.

_Shit._

" _Uh_...I think it's my locker...the lady in the office just assigned it to me..."

Alex knew his answer wasn't going to get him off the hook with these boys. It was obvious that they really didn't care about the locker, but cared more about intimidating him. If Alex had had more time, he would have lightheartedly found many similarities between this menacing bulk of a boy and Noel.

But Alex didn't have any time.

 

The boy grabbed Alex by his shirt collar and threw him into the row of lockers, the back of Alex's head sharply hitting metal, causing Alex to grimace and grunt before the boy brought his face very near to Alex's, his hot breath prickling Alex's skin.

_Shit._

"Fuck the office...I said it's _my_ locker."

"Let him go, Chuck."

A voice growled from Alex's left and both Alex and Chuck's heads snapped in that direction. Alex saw another well-built lad standing with three others, watching the scene unfold.

"Back off, Cook, this doesn't concern you." Chuck pushed Alex up tighter to the lockers, tightening his hold.

" _Ahh_ , that's where you're wrong, Chucky. It _does_ concern him, and it concerns _me_ , and it concerns my mates here, and it _should_ concern you. Alex here is my cousin, and you best not forget it."

 

Alex's eyes shot to the second boy who had spoken, who was now giving Alex a slight grin, less from the lips, more from the eyes. He could feel the grip on his collar loosen, as if Chuck were contemplating whether to stand his ground or retreat.

"Didn't know you had family here, Helders..." Chuck still had his face tight into Alex's, wanting badly to continue harassing the new kid.

The boys Alex now identified as Cook and Helders remained in place as their two friends slowly circled around Alex and Chuck, who was suddenly alone, his friends had quickly backed off and left him to sort things out on his own.

One of the boys leaned in close to them and whispered softly, sweetly threatening.

"Well...he _does_ have family here... _Chuck_...and it's Alex...so listen to Cookie and _let him go_."

The most formidable boy of the group moved to Chuck's other side.

"What don't you understand about the words _let him go_ , Chuck? Don't make me kick your ass... _again_." The boy looked at Alex and winked.

Chuck let out a frustrated grunt and pushed roughly into Alex before releasing him completely and stalking off, turning twice to scowl at the group before rounding the corner.

 

Alex straightened his shirt and cleared his throat, not sure what he should say, so the first words in his mind came blurting out.

"Hey...I'm Alex...I'm new..."

_Oh my God! I'm such an idiot._

Helders gave him a lopsided grin.

"I'm Matt...I know...I live down the road from you...our mothers are good friends...practically sisters...so as far as I'm concerned, you're now my cousin..."

Alex nodded and jumped when one of the boys stepped forward, clasping his shoulder.

"I live two roads behind you...I'm Nick...this is Andy...and this is Jamie...they live a couple blocks over..."

Alex nodded to all of them, thanking them for chasing off Chuck and his buddies.

"They shouldn't bother you anymore...knowing you're with us now...if not, we won't be far away..." Jamie grinned and Alex grinned back, nodding, taking a deep breath.

Things were going to be okay.

_I wish Miles were here._

_He would really like these guys._

Alex soon thrived under the love of his new family and his new friends, who were ferociously fond and overly protective of him, acting more like life-long brothers than recent acquaintances.

 

It had been weeks since Alex mailed his letter to Miles without any correspondence in return.

Alex and his parents assumed the first letter had been lost in transit, so Alex wrote another and sent it off. Several weeks passed with it also unanswered. This continued for several months with Alex writing over a dozen more, until one day, the postman delivered a pile of letters, all bound together with twine.

Alex couldn't hide his excitement as he thanked the man, eager to read what Miles had written, to hear how he was doing. He had no sooner shut the door, untied the bundle, and started sorting through the envelopes when they dropped from his trembling hands, scattering across the floor.

The letters were all his, all marked _Return To Sender, No Longer At This Address._

 

Alex was a mess when Penny and David arrived home that evening and found him clutching the letters, sitting on the floor, emitting a mixture of sobbing and babbling about leaving without saying goodbye.

They did what they could to console him, and David immediately called The London School and insisted on speaking directly to the Headmaster to get information about Miles, but the man was no help, coldly stating that orphans' records were private and confidential.

When questioned about Alex's letters, the Headmaster recited their policy that restricted adopted orphans from staying in contact with anyone remaining at the school.

Alex and his parents were upset and frustrated, feeling their hands were tied, but they persisted and continued contacting the school every chance they got, demanding to know what had happened to Miles, whether he was still at the school, had been adopted, or had run away.

The school became more uncooperative with every phone call, and eventually refused to talk to them at all.

 

After nearly two years of trying to find Miles, Alex gave up, reluctantly writing off that time in his life as something he would never be able to get back.

Alex needed to start looking toward the future.

So he did.

He earned several scholarships and went off to college, determined on becoming an English professor.

He still carried the stone in his pocket, was never without it.

It had helped settle his nerves before countless tests, had brushed off the harsh words of bullies when his friends weren't around, and had given him confidence to do things when he doubted himself. It always served as a calming stone for him, his thumb rubbing over it brought back the happiness, security, and strength he had always felt with Miles.

 

Miles remained at The London School, sullen and sad, at first pining for Alex and feeling sorry for himself, and then furious with the boy for leaving, for choosing _them_ over him.

Both Joshua and Richard found good homes soon after Alex's departure, leaving Miles even lonelier. Joshua's father beamed at his boy's prospective rugby career and Richard's family was into the arts and filmmaking, so Richard was going to fit in perfectly.

Miles was left with a new group of friendly bunkmates, but he chose to talk to them only when necessary, wary of becoming close with anyone again, preferring to sit on Alex's bed, which was now his, staring quietly out Alex's coveted window.

 

Miles never went on the roof, it still hurt too much to think about the times they had shared there, together.

But he found his legs hooked over the edge one afternoon, after a particularly bad day, and the nightmare of Alex dropping from the ledge flooded back into his memory. He thought about how much the dream had frightened him, to see Alex so sad, with no hope, and how Miles had vowed to himself to take Alex away from it all, to keep him safe.

_We had plans, Goddamnit!_

Miles pulled the stone from his pocket and turned it over between his fingers, fury building within him.

He was so angry at everything, his mother, the school, and the people who had adopted Alex, but he was especially angry at Alex, angry that he had left, angry that Alex had given up on them so easily.

_We had plans!_

Miles clenched his hands tight in frustration and the stone popped out between his fingers, slipping away. He gasped and frantically reached out to catch it before it plummeted the many stories to the ground. He missed and was momentarily thrown off balance, needing to frantically clutch onto the ledge to keep from falling. Miles cried out as he leapt up and ran down the flights of stairs to the courtyard below, his heart beating painfully. He burst out the doors, searching desperately for the stone.

He couldn't find it.

 

It took him eight long days before he finally spotted the rock snugged up against a wall, and he openly sobbed when he picked it up, drawing weird stares from other boys walking by.

Miles didn't care.

He wasn't concerned if anyone saw him crying and cradling the stone in his hands as tears ran down his cheeks, happy that he had just gotten a lost piece of Alex back.

That night, as he lay in bed, the stone lazily rolling between his fingers as it played on his belly, Miles decided that he had to quit being angry and quit blaming everyone else, especially Alex.

Miles needed to let everything go and say goodbye to his past, and to Alex, and start planning his future.

 

Miles left the orphanage on the morning of his 18th birthday.

He took one last stroll through the building, passing by the lunch table where he and Alex sat, the beds they sneaked into and shared, the rooftop they dreamed on, and the garden.

_The garden._

Miles ended his goodbyes there, picking up several rocks before sitting on the bench and throwing them at the wall.

When his hand was empty, he sat there quietly, contemplative, hoping Alex would've been proud of him, that he had finished school, and had definite plans for his future.

"You'll never know how much you meant to me...or how much I'll miss you...I love you, Alex...always will..." He whispered, not to anything concrete, but more to Alex's memory, the one that had haunted and comforted him over the last two years in every spot they had shared.

Miles walked away through the courtyard gate and never looked back.

 

Miles moved away and went through several jobs before finally finding one that paid a livable wage and offered decent benefits. To make ends meet, he also worked at a nearby bookstore on his days off and occasionally helped out at a neighborhood butcher shop.

His only goal, his only focus, was saving up enough money to continue attending college.

He had decided to pursue nursing, remembering the kind words of Nurse when Alex had been battling the flu, realizing that he enjoyed taking care of others and feeling like he had made a difference in someone's life, and had actually helped, and possibly, comforted them during a time of need.

Miles had to carefully balance the cost and time of school and studying with work, but he was doing well and on track to get his degree.

He still had the stone, still carried it with him, always.

It had helped him in situations where he normally would have let his anger take over - searching for jobs, not getting jobs, applying to schools, not getting accepted to schools, applying for grants, not getting grants. The stone no longer hurt his thumb, its jagged edges worn nearly smooth from years of contact, but it gave Miles a sense of calmness now, the way Alex used to.

 

Alex returned to The London School for Placement only once, on a long weekend in the city when he joined his parents to visit family and friends.

He excused himself from the gathering, telling his parents that he wanted to go by the school, and they nodded, fully understanding. Alex needed to see the place that had been such an important part of his young life one more time, he needed some closure.

Alex sighed.

Miles would be over twenty now, and long gone.

He leaned into the iron fence overlooking the school's noisy courtyard, his face wedged between two bars. Boys ranging from young tykes to teenagers were running around kicking footballs, some were playing basketball, most were yelling and laughing.

A small group was pitching pennies.

Alex smirked.

 

The concrete bench remained, and was all but abandoned and neglected for some sleek new picnic tables that had been placed nearby. The bench had more garden growth around it as did the stone wall, barely visible now, peeking out from behind a heavy overgrowth of vines.

Alex reached into his coat pocket, and his fingers closed around the stone that lay there.

 _Miles_...

Alex glanced up at the bedroom window he had looked out so often as a boy and smiled, he and Miles had had such big hopes and dreams back then. He looked higher, beyond his window and above, to the ledge of the roof, remembering the times they spent there, towering over the city, making plans for the future, _their_ future, together.

The smile fell from his face and tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

"I tried my best to find you...did everything I could...I'm _so_ sorry, Miles...I miss you so much...I'll _always_ love you...I'll never forget you..." Alex whispered, not really knowing what to say, but needing Miles to know that he thought about him often and wished him only the best.

Alex sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to remain composed, steeling himself to finally accept the fate that he and Miles had been handed.

This was it.

_Goodbye, Miles._

Alex turned and walked away, his hand buried in his pocket, his thumb working over the stone as the sounds of boys shouting and playing faded, along with Alex's need to ever return to The London School again.


	9. Chapter 9

\-- _Did you get the parcel we sent? Did you like the cookies? It's a new recipe.--_

Alex grinned and responded to his mother's text as he and his friends were grabbing a bite to eat before they attended a football match. They were just finishing up their food and drinks in the noisy, crowded restaurant, all the patrons pumped for that evening's big sporting event as they watched the pre-game show on the various televisions scattered on the walls and above the bar.

\-- _When will you be home next?_ \--

Alex clumsily typed in his answer and made sure to include several heart emojis because he knew how much his mum liked them. He then claimed the last nacho from one of the plates, resulting in Nick throwing a rogue jalapeño his way.

"Greedy swine..." Nick grumbled.

"You know you love me, Mal..." Alex teased as he bit into the chip and soon he and Nick were exchanging friendly barbs and throwing anything loose on the table at each other.

"C'mon, children, time to go..." Jamie, weary of their childish antics, growled and stood, throwing some money on the table before finishing off his pint, eager to go.

"Wait, let me go to the restroom first. Be right back..." Alex took one last swig of his beer, threw his wadded up napkin at Nick, and scampered off in search of the facilities, grinning as he heard his friends complaining about his abnormally small bladder.

\-- _Several letters came in the mail today._ \--

It was his mother again, prompting Alex to chuckle and shake his head, still amazed that the woman had caught on so quickly to having a mobile and now insisted on texting what she did every day, sometimes all day long.

\-- _One is from TLSP.-_ -

 

Alex faltered in his step after reading the text and tripped over a mop bucket in the back hallway. He only managed to stay upright by overcorrecting his balance which caused him to collide with an employee who was rushing by carrying a clearing tub, the dirty dishes shifting noisily inside.

"Oh, _shit_...sorry 'bout that...hope nothing broke..." Alex helped steady the container and ensured it wasn't going to fall before his eyes moved back to the text.

The employee reassured Alex there was no harm done and he hefted the tub to get a better grip on it, causing the dishes to clatter again. Alex briefly glanced at the guy and smiled apologetically before letting his eyes drift down the hall, looking for the restroom.

"Two doors down on the left...you can't miss it..." The employee grinned, knowing Alex's intended destination.

"Thanks...sorry again..." Alex returned his attention to his phone, still distracted by his mother's news.

"No problem, mate..."

Alex nodded and made his way down the hallway, sending off another text.

\-- _Open it.--_

_\--Are you sure? I could forward it to you, or you can open it when you get here.--_

_\--No. I need to know now. Open it, please.--_

 

Alex finished his business and moved to the sink to wash his hands, nervously waiting for his mother's reply. He grew impatient, fearing her delay in responding could only mean bad news. He was anxious over the letter's contents and further frustrated by words repeating in his head.

_No problem, mate..._

_No problem, mate..._

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head and trying to clear his thoughts of the voice and the grin that had followed him into the restroom, both so familiar and playing in his mind over and over again as he washed his hands.

_No problem, mate..._

_No problem, mate..._

_No problem, mate..._

Alex had just finished drying his hands when his stomach lurched and he felt the blood drain from his face, his knees soon followed, going weak and buckling, while his vision blurred and his head spun. He quickly grabbed onto the cool porcelain for support.

_It was Miles._

 

Alex stumbled out of the restroom to find Miles standing there, just outside the door, waiting, wide-eyed, still holding the tub of dishes, having realized it was Alex only moments before.

Alex stopped, his hand shaking as it held the door open, and they stared at each other.

"Is it... _you?_ " Alex whispered, not trusting his eyes nor ears.

_Please don't tell me I'm hallucinating, I only had a couple of beers, please, it's Miles, it's him, he looks happy, he looks good, I'm going to fuckin' lose my mind if this is a dream..._

"How are you, Alex?" Miles nodded and smiled gently while what remained of his insides was doing flips.

_Holy shit, it's him, he looks great, he's happy, and confident, Jesus, his hair is so long, but it looks good, it's Alex and he's here, right in front of me..._

" _Uh_...I'm...I'm fine...finishing up my studies at the college here...how are you?"

" _Uh_ , great...I'm interning at the hospital...and... _uh_...working here..."

They stood, fidgeting, not sure how to act or what to say, both uncomfortable and silently cursing the unexpected wall of awkwardness that towered between them, a wall that kept them from moving closer. Over the many years and through the many dreams they had of finally finding each other, this particular reunion scenario had never played out, one with them stammering and uncertain, feeling like total strangers.

 

" _Al?_ Everything okay? It's time to go...or we'll be late..." Matt leaned into the hallway, eyeing Miles suspiciously.

"Yeah... _yeah_ , Matt...I'll be right there..."

"Okay...don't dally..." Matt looked Miles over again briefly, his protectiveness of Alex apparent, before heading out into the dining area.

"Well, _uh_...I've...I've got to go...it was great seeing you, Miles...I'm...I'm so glad you're doing well..." Alex stumbled over his words, confused with the conversation and how cold and distant it sounded.

_What the hell is wrong with me? I've hoped for this moment for years and now it's here and all I can say is how great it is seeing him? What the fuck?_

"Yeah, you too... _uh_...good luck...with everything..." Miles was inwardly frustrated, wanting and needing time to say so much more. It was obvious that, after so long, things had changed between them and they had grown apart, no longer feeling the pull and attraction that was once there.

_This isn't us._

 

Alex hesitated, as if wanting to stay and say more, but then his brows furrowed in confusion and his face took on a pained expression. He quickly turned to leave and caught up to Matt, who guided him out of the restaurant, his hand firmly pressed to Alex's back.

Alex, still reeling from the encounter, glanced over his shoulder as he was steered out the door.

_It was fuckin' Miles!_

Miles wandered to the front of the restaurant and he watched Alex leave through the windows, his hand gripping the stone in his pocket.

His heart sank and a low spark of anger ignited when he watched two of Alex's friends flank him on each side, one putting Alex in a playful chokehold while the other pretended to throw punches at him as they walked away, smiling and laughing.

_That should be me._

_With him._

_With Alex._

 

Several weeks passed and Miles had nearly recovered from the brief and confusing encounter with Alex.

It had been a struggle, though, and many days saw Miles holding his breath every time he heard customers enter the restaurant, hoping Alex had returned now that he knew where Miles was. But time moved on and Alex stayed away, so Miles had to finally accept that Alex had made his choice.

Miles tried to focus on the positive. It had been great seeing Alex and learning he was doing well, and Miles still couldn't get over Alex's hair, his confidence, and how much he had matured.

But the negative often creeped in. Miles was frustrated by their stunted exchange, and the reunion had opened up old wounds that Miles had to fight hard to keep from bleeding again. Seeing Alex not only brought back the chronic pain of losing him, it also introduced the new pain of knowing he was no longer a part of Alex's life.

It was clear that Alex had moved on and Miles was truly happy for him. Alex had everything he had ever dreamed of, and all Miles had ever wanted for him.

But Miles had always hoped that, if they ever did find each other again, he would be an important part of Alex's happiness.

 

Miles was seeing the last customers out and preparing to lock up the restaurant for the night, when he looked through the glass door and saw a figure leaning against the wall across the street, under a streetlight.

_It's him!_

His heart leapt inside his chest and his body temperature rose just looking at the boy, knowing the only reason Alex could be there was for him.

_Christ! That fuckin' hair!_

With his eyes on Miles, Alex stood with his fists jammed in his coat pockets and he fidgeted, hesitating about what he should do, looking timid and questioning whether he should even be there at all.

Miles opened the door, motioning for him to approach, and Alex quickly crossed the street and brushed by Miles, his head ducked down, as he entered the restaurant.

Miles locked the door behind him.

 

"I wasn't sure...you know...if I should...should come back...if you wanted me to...or just wanted to forget...uh...everything..." Alex stuttered as he entered the building, worried about Miles' reaction, hating that he felt like he was talking to a complete stranger now.

He resisted the strong urge to turn around and flee and to forget he had ever come there, and just go back to living his life with Miles as only a fond memory.

Miles fought to remain calm. He knew he wouldn't survive losing Alex again, so he kept his expectations low, as low as his hopes. He had learned long ago to live with only Alex's ghost and could still continue to do that, if he only didn't get his hopes up.

_Just play it cool._

" _No, no._..I'm glad you did...it will give us a chance to catch up...without you needing to rush off...maybe we can get some closure...finally say goodbye properly this time, _yeah?_ Instead of you rushing off in a taxi...or with your mates..."

Alex paused as he walked into the restaurant, tripping on Miles' words.

_Closure? Goodbye?_

Alex didn't know what he had expected from returning to see Miles, but it was all he had thought about over the last few weeks, torn between leaving his past where it lay or bringing it into his future. He knew he needed Miles in his life, to what degree he didn't know, and the emptiness he felt in his heart was what drew him there that night, looking for the answer.

Alex was unsure of Miles' feelings, but he had at least thought this would be some type of beginning for them, not an end. The finality of Miles' words worried him and his heart ached.

" _Yeah_ , we can say goodbye properly this time..." He echoed Miles.

 

The unspoken connection that had bonded the two when they were young was gone, faded through time, and the silence weighed heavily in the room, making everything seem artificial and staged, like they were actors merely waiting to say the scripted lines they had learned by rote. 

Alex felt nauseous, and finally blurted out something to cut the painful quiet that was unsettling them both.

"So... _uh_...this is where you work?"

Miles nodded and let out a sigh, grateful that Alex's simple question cut the thickening tension.

"I live here, too...they furnish a small room upstairs in exchange for me closing and cleaning up the dining area every night..."

"That's great...it's nice..." Alex looked around, taking in the restaurant that looked so different now that it was empty.

 

They started slowly, filling each other in on their lives while Miles moved around, here and there, performing his nightly duties. The conversation was stilted and felt unnatural, peppered with pregnant pauses, as they provided information as though they were being interviewed.

Both struggled, trying desperately to find that familiarity they had once shared so effortlessly.

Miles counted out the cash drawer while they talked about their studies. Miles was finishing his nursing degree and interning during the days and some nights at the local hospital. The hours were long and varied, but he and the restaurant managed around it. Alex was currently studying for his Ph.D. and had just recently accepted an English teaching position at The London School for Placement. The school had made him the job offer the same day Alex first saw Miles at the restaurant.

Miles stopped what he was doing, looking at Alex incredulously.

" _Christ!_ Why there, Alex? That bloody place was horrible to us..." He felt hurt, and angry, that Alex was going to give his time and brilliance to the place that had caused them both so much pain and was responsible for tearing them apart.

" _Yeah_ , I know...it's hard to explain...but maybe I can help change the place from the inside out...so the first step is getting a job there..."

Miles huffed, stewing, all his emotions from the past welling up inside him, threatening to spill.

 

They continued talking while Miles mopped the floor and Alex helped by inverting the dining chairs onto the tables. Once that was done, they both sat down and started filling salt and pepper shakers.

" _So_ , what's your last name?"

"Turner..."

"Turner. Alex Turner. It suits you..."

"How about you?"

"Kane...it's my mom's family name..."

" _Really? Wow!_ You've come a long way, Miles...to take her name...after everything...for awhile there you wouldn't _even_ talk about her...you hated her..."

Miles nodded, remembering his resentment towards his mother.

"Yeah, not any more. I'm no longer mad at her, or at anyone. She was doing the best she could, you know? Can't fault her for that...for her mistakes. She had her own demons to fight..."

 

Miles paused and Alex smiled at him, truly amazed at the man he had grown into. Alex felt a pull in his heart and wanted nothing more than to move closer and touch Miles, needing to connect physically with him, to trigger their bond.

" _God_ , Miles, I'm just... _so_ happy for you...that was a big step...forgiving her..."

"Yeah, thanks...I'm happy for you, too, Alex...seems like your life has ended up perfectly...just like you had hoped...that's great..."

There was an awkward silence, both knowing a certain part of their past needed to be discussed, both hesitating to start it. Miles grew antsy and stood to escape the conversation.

Alex made the first move.

"I thought about you all the time..." He whispered, his dark eyes looking up at Miles through long strands of hair, hoping for a favorable reaction.

_C'mon Miles, it's gotta still be there, if I can feel it, you can feel it..._

 

A sudden throbbing in his chest alarmed Miles until he realized it was his heart beating for the first time in years, since he had chased the taxi that had taken Alex away from him. He swallowed the dry lump that had lodged in his throat and he slowly sat back down, his eyes locked on Alex's for a mere moment before he averted his eyes and focused elsewhere.

_Don't you dare get your fuckin' hopes up!_

He bit back the love that was swelling in his heart while he fought with the insecurity that was wreaking havoc in his head, forcing him to interpret Alex's statement as simply an obligation to be polite, perhaps even a way to make himself feel less guilty for abandoning Miles.

_Why would he think about me when he had everything a person could ever wish for?_

Miles needed to get it off his chest.

" _Really_ , Alex? I doubt you gave me even one minute of thought...you've got so much going for you...you have a family...friends...school...a future...things worked out better for you than if you had stayed with me..."

 

Alex's eyes shot to Miles and he immediately felt the need to defend himself.

"I did, Miles...I...I thought about you every day...I hated the way I had to leave...and it killed me when I couldn't find you..."

Miles responded quickly, too quickly, and the question that had been simmering in his head for a very long time came rushing out, his voice raised and his frustration clear.

"Why couldn't you find me, Alex? You knew where I was!  _Christ!_ I thought about you all the time...every fuckin' night I cried for you...every single day...every single fuckin' time I saw a place we used to hang out in...we had plans to be together, _forever!_ Guess you were too busy living the perfect life, without me, to remember them..."

Miles reached into his pocket and slammed his stone onto the table, his proof that Alex had always been with him.

"I thought about you all the bloody time, Alex! Thought about the plans we had...the future we were going to spend together...but you left so easily...so fuckin' happy and hugging your new family...and you left _me_ behind!"

 

Alex looked at the stone, wide-eyed, and then back to Miles.

" _Miles_..."

"No, Alex..." Miles briskly shook his head, not wanting to hear what Alex was going to say, but Alex pressed on.

" _Miles_...I tried...my parents even helped me...but the school...it...it wouldn't tell us a thing...all the records about you were sealed and private...the letters I sent you all came back unopened...you've got to know that I tried...you were... _Miles_... _you were my life..."_

Miles raised his hand and nodded knowingly, dismissing everything Alex had said save one word.

"I _was_  your life, Alex... _WAS_...until something better came along...and you happily left and forgot about me...and what we had!"

Alex's eyes widened further.

_He doesn't believe me! He doesn't believe I tried!_

"The school cut us off, Miles! I had to give up after a couple of years...I...I had to move on...I figured you'd been adopted and were gone..."

" _Yeah_ , I was gone...never adopted, though...never good enough...and now I'm living all my hopes and dreams... _here_...while you gave up on us and moved the fuck on...to much better...without me..." Miles sarcastically waved his arms around the restaurant before looking down.

_Shut up! Why are you being such a dick to him? He's here, he came back!_

Miles buried his hands in his hair and tugged on it roughly, wanting to erase what had just happened, disappointed that he had lost control and fighting desperately to hold back the tears. He wanted to believe Alex, but it was hard not to feel betrayed or to control the hurt that had built up over the years.

 

Alex slowly stood, knowing Miles' outburst was a signal that it was time for him to leave, and tears gathered quickly in his eyes, his heart and spirit broken. This was not what he had hoped would happen when he came here.

It was now obvious that Miles no longer cared about him, _resented_ him actually, and didn't want to pursue a future together.

Alex stopped and stood next to Miles, whose hands were still clutching his hair, looking down, ashamed and embarrassed at how he had handled their reunion. Miles didn't want to look at Alex, didn't want Alex to see how much he cared.

Or how much he hurt.

"Miles...I...I _never_ stopped thinking about you...you helped me through _so_ much...my new life...the new school...a new set of bullies...whenever I needed strength for an exam...when...when I was lonely...all the time..."

Alex's fingers trembled as he rested his fist on the table and opened it slowly, setting his half of the stone by Miles' half.

"You were always there for me, Miles...just like...just like you promised you would be...and I _never_...I _never_ forgot about you...or the plans we made...I _never_ stopped loving you..."

Alex paused a moment, struggling to surface for air in Miles' drowning silence, and then he walked quickly to the door, unlocked it, and left.

Miles looked at the stones, and the tears finally fell.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Alex made his way across the street, away from the restaurant and hurt and disappointment, his body shaking as tears streamed steadily down his face, making it hard to see clearly as his shoes met pavement.

_Quit crying! Quit crying! Quit crying!_

He felt broken and empty, like he had just lost Miles all over again.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

He was helpless.

Again.

_I knew it, I shouldn't have come, it's been too long, he hates me, it's all my fault, I shouldn't have stopped trying, and now I've lost him, for good.  
_

_"Alex!"_

 

Alex let out a sob when he heard his name careen off the familiar tongue and he paused in the dark, empty street, nearly to the opposite curb, just out of reach of the street lamp's direct glow.

He tried brushing his tears away with the back of his hand, but soon let his arm drop, realizing how futile it was as tears continued covering the skin he had just wiped dry.

He turned, trying to swallow down another sobbing hiccup, his watery gaze lifting reluctantly to meet Miles, fearing more heated words were soon to follow.

Miles stood in the doorway, watching intently until Alex faced him, their eyes finally locking. Miles moved then, propelling himself across the street toward the boy, a determined purpose in his stride, his eyes sharp and steady, never once leaving Alex.

Alex shivered and drew in a shaky breath, the air fighting its way through the maze of shudders and spasms that were wracking his body before it finally settled in welcoming lungs. He began to whimper and shake as he watched Miles come closer, Miles' eyes speaking volumes in their glassy wetness and unwavering focus on him. In the dim light of the street lamp and with the distance between them rapidly shrinking, Alex could see shiny trails left behind by the tears streaming down Miles' face.

Alex's breath hitched and his body felt both the push and pull of Miles, the same force he felt the very first day when Miles plopped his lunch tray across from him in the cafeteria, the force that was still present even after all these years. Alex couldn't help but submit to Miles' energy, and he surged equally in Miles' direction, no hint of hesitation in his steps.

 

They collided in a tight, urgent hug, and the awkwardness, uncertainty, and lost time instantly vanished, replaced with fondness and love as both sobbed in the other's arms and caressed each other's cheeks, their lips meeting sloppily while trembling hands wiped tears.

The goodbye Alex and Miles never had the opportunity to share was now fused into their reunion, and their emotions flooded high and low, happy and sad, completely unfiltered, just needing release.

Alex buried his face into Miles' neck, breathing in a nearly forgotten scent while a much-missed warmth filled his veins and wrapped around his heart. Miles let his head drop and he nuzzled into the soft flesh under Alex's jaw, taking him in through his nose, his lips pressed to Alex's pulse, absorbing the heat throbbing through his veins.

" _Jesus_ , Alex...I never thought... _never_ thought I'd hold you again..." Miles cried into his neck.

" _Never_ leaving... _never_ again..." Alex shook his head while he sobbed, clutching onto Miles, nose brushing back and forth over soft skin.

"I missed you...it hurt... _so_ much..." Miles desperately clasped the back of Alex's head with his hand, long fingers splayed out possessively.

"I _tried_ to find you, Miles...I did...I...I _never_ forgot...you've always held my heart..." Alex gulped out, voice rising, trying to convince Miles between sobs and caresses.

" _Shh...shh...I know...I know_...I shouldn't have said that...I know you did...I'm so... _so sorry_...I was afraid...I thought...I thought you were coming to say goodbye... _forever_...and I panicked...I didn't want to hurt like that...ever again..." If possible, Miles clung to Alex even more tightly as he dragged kisses across Alex's face.

" _Never_ again...I never stopped...never stopped loving you... _never_..." Alex shook his head, his murmuring muffled by Miles' wet neck.

"You're a part of me, Alex...you...you were always with me... _always_...keeping me calm...when I couldn't find a job...when I didn't have a place to live...when I didn't have enough money for the bills...when...when I was struggling with poetry..."

They both chuckled and sniffed through their sobs, tears, and wet kisses, finally resting their foreheads together, panting, breathless.

"Still hating poetry, huh?"

"Fuckin' waste of words..."

 

They clumsily made their way back across the street while still embracing, both reluctant to separate, needing to maintain constant contact with each other, never wanting to feel the loss of the other again.

A litany of _I missed you so much, I'm so sorry, never again_ , and _I love you_ poured from their hungry lips and into the heat of their necks and the soft skin of their cheeks, and they stopped every few steps to sob, cling, kiss, and caress, needing proof through touch that what was happening was truly real.

Their bodies began to slowly calm down, their breathing steadied, and the tears trickled to a stop, both men feeling secure and safe in the other's arms, their feelings now out in the open and reciprocated.

They finally stumbled into the restaurant and Miles managed to reach behind himself and lock the door once again, without looking, his eyes closed as he and Alex kissed.

Alex smiled against Miles' lips when hearing the lock engage.

 

The room was still, with only the sounds of moans, whimpers, and wet lips meeting in slow, soft kisses breaking the silence.

Miles grasped Alex by the back of his head, his eager fingers tangling into beckoning hair, holding Alex in place, wanting to deepen the kiss. Alex moaned and his hands fell from Miles' face and found his hips, where one stayed, pulling him in closer, while the other snaked around to the small of his back.

Everything felt the same, yet different.

Their hands were larger, stronger, and calloused now, and they explored unapologetically with confidence, knowing what they wanted and where they wanted to go. Their moans were no longer swallowed in secrecy or held back in fear of being caught. They were now more a statement of want, approval, and demand, sounded in much deeper tones as their arousal rolled through them in waves.

Miles pulled back and their eyes met while their chests heaved air into their neglected lungs. He smiled and pushed aside a long strand of Alex's hair from his eye before cupping Alex's tear-stained face between his two strong hands, his long fingers framing the soft skin, his thumbs wiping Alex's wet cheeks.

"So, _Alex Turner_...where do we go from here?"

Alex grinned.

"I don't know, _Miles Kane_...any ideas?"

 

Miles stared at Alex, still not believing that the boy was real, that _this_ was real, and was _really_ happening. His hand dropped from Alex's face and trailed slowly down his body, searching for Alex's hand to take.

" _C'mon_...upstairs..."

Alex raised his eyebrows, scandalized, his eyes flashing and a faint blush immediately glazing his surprised cheeks. 

He shyly looked at Miles through the long strand of hair that had fallen back and was now partially concealing his face, hair that was driving Miles crazy, in a good way.

A very good way.

" _Miles?_ What exactly do you have in mind?"

 

Miles looked at Alex and the flush crossing his face as his big, dark eyes questioned, his lip partially curled in a smirk, knowing exactly what Miles' intentions were.

Oh, how he wanted to take the boy, right then and there, and revisit every inch of his pale, soft skin, tug on that fuckin' gorgeous hair, and press him deep and unrelenting into his bed, feeling the body, smelling the scent, and pulling new noises out of him. All things that he had pined for and craved for so long.

But not now.

They had plenty of time for that later.

Miles grinned.

"All in good time, Alex, but first I want to show you the roof...the view...it's incredible...better than our last view..."

_Our last view._

Alex broke into a wide grin as his hand nestled into the one Miles was offering, their warm skin linking firmly together, their two worlds instantly realigning and centering in the simple, unspoken connection they felt surging through each other's touch.

"I've been waiting to see that... _with you_..."

 

******

 

Alex had just finished sorting his planned readings for the day and was erasing notes from the chalkboard when the timid voice called out to him.

"Professor Turner?"

Alex jumped at the unexpected noise, an old reflex that was hard to break, one that had usually been followed by fear, but he recovered in an instant and smiled, turning toward the voice.

He was surprised to see the young boy, one of his favorites (though he'd never admit it), standing in the doorway of his classroom. He had been sad to hear the lad had gone on a try-out, and he was sure that he wouldn't see him again, sure that the family would adopt the sweet, young boy with dark eyes and an impish grin.

" _John!_ You're back!"

"Yes, sir... _uh_...things didn't work out...they didn't like me...I guess..." The boy shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, trying to convince Alex, and himself, that his feelings hadn't been hurt by the rejection.

Alex closed the distance between them quickly and was soon squatting by the small boy, level with his eyes.

"Listen, John, it had _nothing_ to do with you. One day the perfect family will find you, I promise, it happened to me. And very soon, you won't be sent on any more of these silly try-outs, _okay?_ "

" _Okay_ , sir, if you say so..."

 

Alex stood and tousled the boy's hair.

" _Well_ , I'm glad you're back, John. My class is so much better with you participating in it. You should get going. You still have time to eat breakfast before the first bell..."

"Yes, sir, thank you..."

Alex turned back toward the chalkboard, not noticing the boy didn't budge and was still standing in the doorway, shifting back and forth on his feet, watching Alex nervously until he finally found the courage to speak.

" _Um_ , sir?"

Alex slightly flinched again and turned quickly to see what had delayed the boy.

"Is there something more, John? What can I do for you?"

" _Um_ , please sir...I need your help...but...but you have to promise not to tell anyone...I...I don't want to get in trouble...but I don't know who else to go to...or what to do..."

Alex smiled gently as he approached the boy.

" _Now_ , you know I can't promise that, John, but I promise to help you any way I can, okay? What do you need?"

The shy boy looked thoughtfully at Alex, mulling over what he had just said, and then nodded his head, accepting Alex's answer.

" _Um_...well, I, _uh_... _fell_...I _fell_ at the try-out and hurt my back...and...and I thought it would get better...but it hasn't...it still hurts... _a lot._..sometimes it makes me want to cry...but I don't..." The boy looked up bravely at Alex, proud of his own toughness.

 

Alex smiled tightly and took in a deep breath as his heart fluttered, allowing dread some room to settle in.

" _Will you...can I_...will you show me, John?"

Little John lifted his shirt from behind his head, wincing at the pain as he did so.

Alex's eyes squeezed shut and he held back a gasp when he saw the strips of scabbing and bruises crossing the boy's back. He then gently inspected the cuts, paying close attention to a deeper one below the shoulder blade, the obvious source of the child's pain, that appeared infected and was swollen with red anger surrounding it.

Definitely not from a fall, most likely from a belt.

 _Fuckin' try-outs_.

Alex swallowed, holding back his anger and calming his voice in order to talk to the boy.

"Okay, John, it's not too bad...just a bit infected...I bet it hurts...let's see about getting some ointment for that so the pain goes away and it heals properly, _okay?_ "

"Okay...thank you, sir."

 

Alex and John found themselves in the empty outer office of the infirmary and Alex motioned for John to have a seat as he quickly moved through the place, poking his head into the sickroom, finding no one there, either.

"Professor Turner! Johnny! What brings my two favorite people here?" Miles entered the room, a broad smile dominating his face as he leaned in and kissed Alex's cheek before setting some folders on his desk.

" _Eww, gross!_ You're going to get cooties, even if you _are_ married!" John scrunched up his nose as he looked at the two men, who in turn smiled down at the boy.

" _Well_ , you never know, Johnny, the right person might come along one day...you just have to be patient..." Miles grinned as he grabbed Alex's hand and lifted it to his lips for another quick peck.

"Nope, no sir, Mr. Kane, I'm _never_ going to kiss my wife, _or husband,_ when I get married. _Yuk!_ "

The two men chuckled at the boy as they approached him.

 

" _So_ , what's going on here with our little Johnny Rotten?"

The boy grinned proudly, beaming upon hearing his nickname.

"You're going to need the camera..." Alex's voice sounded casual, but he waited as Miles's head shot up and their eyes met.

Miles nodded, understanding Alex's unspoken concern, wanting to keep the young boy from being alarmed.

" _Why_...why do you need a camera? Am I in trouble?" John jumped up, wincing at the pain from the sudden movement, and started backing away towards the door.

"No, _no_ , of course you're not in trouble! I need to take some pictures of your injury before treatment and after so I can see how quickly it gets better. You're not in trouble, John..."

The boy relaxed upon hearing Miles' explanation and allowed Alex to steer him to the exam table where Miles began looking the boy over, checking his bones and flexibility for any hidden injuries.

During the examination, Miles would occasionally lift his eyes, glancing at Alex, concerned about him.

Alex's face had transformed and looked so young and innocent, reminding Miles of the skittish and frightened Alex he once knew long ago, a boy afraid of everyone and everything. He could tell Alex's breathing was shallow and his eyes were saucer-wide with worry over John, but Miles knew Alex was also reliving his own experiences as a child in the same situation.

 

Miles' face fell when John's shirt was lifted and he saw the obvious abuse.

He shook his head in sorrow and exchanged a sickened look with Alex, whose eyes were wet and shining. They both remembered times when Alex's back had looked quite the same.

Miles took the necessary pictures and soon had the boy treated, bandaged, and ready to head to class.

"Alright Johnny Rotten, that's it, my brave and mighty gladiator, looks like you're good to fight another battle, another day."

The boy furrowed his brows, puffed out his chest, and spoke stoically.

"I live. I die. I live again!"

Miles laughed.

"Good one! I'll have to use that!"

The boy nodded and giggled, relief flooding his small face.

"Thank you, Mr. Kane."

"No problem, Johnny. Come back if you feel any more pain or just want to talk. If not, I'll see you tomorrow, _okay?_ "

"Yes sir, thank you, again..."

 

Alex gently guided the boy by his shoulders to the door.

"Now you head quickly to the cafeteria, John. Breakfast is nearly over, but ask Miss Marge to give you a little something extra, tell her Professor Turner sends his thanks. I'll see you in class..."

"Okay, thank you..."

Johnny was passing through the door when Alex stopped him, squatting close to the boy with a warm hand on his shoulder.

"And John, no more secrets at this school. If something bothers you, or someone ever hurts you, in any way, you tell someone, immediately, okay? _No more secrets._ You can even come and tell me or Mr. Kane. I promise, you won't ever get in trouble."

"Yes, sir!"

The boy nodded happily and left with a grin on his face.

 

" _God_ , I love that kid! He's one tough cookie..." Miles shook his head sadly and grinned, his lean body supported by the exam table he was resting against. He watched as Alex stood up quickly, his face clouding over, finally able to let his anger show now that the boy was gone.

"I've got to go..." He huffed as he grabbed the camera and headed out of the infirmary.

Miles moved quickly, grabbing Alex's arm and pulling him back into a tight, swaying hug.

" _Hold on_...not so fast, love...where you headed?"

"To call the police and report that family. I'm going to press charges and get them removed permanently from the adoption list..."

Alex tried to push off and pull away from Miles, to carry on with his plans, but Miles wouldn't have any of it, his arms snaking around Alex's body, feeling it shake and tremble with anger and bad memories. Miles gently removed the camera from Alex's grip and set it on the exam table.

"Let me do it, I'm not busy and you have your class starting..." Miles whispered calmly into Alex's ear, squeezing him tighter, giving him the comfort and security he needed.

He soon felt Alex's body give up his struggling and relax in Miles' persuasive grip, his body now matching Miles' movement as it gently rocked back and forth.

"Okay...thanks, Mi..." Alex sighed, releasing the rest of his anger and pushing his nose into Miles' neck.

"No problem, love..."

 

Their embrace finally broke, and Alex shifted from Miles and moved around the room, his eyes falling on a familiar stone that now sat on Miles' desk, holding papers down.

Miles allowed Alex a moment before he engaged him in conversation, not wanting to break Alex's current train of thought about John, which Miles knew was in the forefront of his mind.

" _Hey_ , I spoke to your mum and dad this morning and they're still expecting us at the end of the month. And I texted Matt, too, he's got quite a gathering planned at his new house while we're there. The guys will all be home, so we'll get to see everyone..."

" _Great, great_..." Alex nodded, replying to the unheard statement as he fidgeted, biting a hangnail, still staring at Miles' desk.

Miles chuckled.

He knew Alex hadn't heard a single thing he'd said. Normally, talk about the upcoming holiday and heading home to see family and friends brought an instant smile and visible excitement.

Miles tried again to pull Alex from his distraction.

"And _hey_...don't forget, we have a date tonight, your favorite restaurant and that new movie..."

" _Hmm?_ " Alex's eyebrows lifted, but his eyes were still fixed on the stone, seeing, but not really seeing it, his head entirely somewhere else, far away, thinking about little John, what he must have gone through, and how things were all about to change.

 

He, Miles, and a handful of others, had worked very hard over the past several years to get to this point, and the changes were going to go into full effect at the start of the new year, just a few, short months away.

At that time, Alex would move into the position of Headmaster and Chief Operating Officer of The London School for Placement. In his new post, Alex would not only oversee the day-to-day activities at the school, he would also have a large hand in creating and implementing new school policies and procedures.

Alex had the enthusiastic backing of the entire school staff and a majority of the board and shareholders, so positive change was imminent. The London School for Placement was preparing to lead the way into the future for all orphanages, public and private, and it was going to begin by providing not only better educational opportunities for its orphans, but safer adoptions, as well.

It was these last few months that were the hardest for Alex, when he had to witness the same atrocities he himself had experienced, with his hands tied, unable to do anything, but wait.

 

Miles shook his head, knowing Alex was still lost deep in thought, and worry. He raised his voice and spoke slowly, to get Alex's attention.

"I said... _don't...forget...we...have...a...date...tonight_..."

" _Yeah...okay...of course_...how could I forget?" Alex continued his unfocused staring at nothing, thinking only of John's back and how he had felt the need to lie about it, just like Alex had when he was younger. He worried about the boy, wondered if he curled up and cried, feeling alone, like no one cared about him, like no one was _ever_ going to care about him.

" _Hey_..." Miles reached out an arm for Alex, who sighed in frustration at being pulled from his thoughts, reluctantly returning to the present with Miles. "It's going to take just a little more time, but it's going to happen..."

"It just _all_ needs to stop, Mi...the sooner, the better...that never should've happened to John...or...or _anyone_..."

"I know, and it _will_ stop, Alex, but you know these things take time and we need to go through the correct channels so that it's done properly...so it will never go back to the way it was...when _we_ were here..."

Alex nodded, understanding.

"I know...thanks, Mi..."

 

Miles tugged Alex toward him and into another hug, where he belonged, before leaning in for a kiss.

Alex remained distant at first, but warmed up readily and moved into the kiss, taking over, pushing his way into Miles' mouth, his arms sliding around to Miles' back, making eager whimpers and rubbing his body up against Miles.

Miles pulled back, grinning, while Alex's hungry, open mouth chased his for a moment, wanting more.

Miles chuckled, pushing his hips into Alex's, feeling the boy's sudden new focus and interest. Even after several years of marriage, Alex still acted like that needy and demanding teenage boy he had first kissed in this very building.

Not that Miles was complaining.

Not at all.

"Slow down, love...save me something for tonight..."

Alex grumbled at being stopped, bottom lip pushed out in a spoiled pout.

"You seem to forget that I've been known to successfully entice you more than one time a day..." Alex attached himself to Miles' neck, sucking in his flesh so hard that Miles felt the sensation swirl through his body, finally settling in the lower half, which had started to take notice, fully interested in taking care of Alex's need.

Miles moaned and looked at the clock on the wall.

Definitely no time for what Alex was offering. 

But Miles would make it up to him.

Tonight.

 

Thoughts of that eager boy who Miles had fallen in love with years ago inspired him into a sudden change of plans, and he pulled Alex gently away from his neck.

" _Listen_ , how about we do something different tonight? I'll meet you upstairs, on the roof, after your last class, and we can spend the entire evening there, watching the city and stars come alive instead of seeing that movie...just like old times...I'll bring some wine and cheese and bread...and blankets..."

Alex's face lit up as he moved in closer to Miles, burrowing his face back into his warm neck, settling snugly into place along Miles' body.

"Could we get Miss Marge to make some cinnamon rolls?"

"I think that can easily be arranged, love..." Miles grinned, his lips lingering on Alex's forehead.

" _God!_ I'd really love that, Mi...it sounds perfect..."

"Then, it's a date..."


End file.
